No untoward incident

Police Chief Superintendent Wilben Mayor, the spokesman for the Security Task Force of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation Summit held recently in Manila, is apparently a man of many talents. Aside from being a spokesman and a peace officer, he can also be a magician and politician, with a knack for creating something out of nothing, a gift that is essential to both callings. Upon retirement, a bright future awaits him in entertainment or politics

As spokesman for the security of such an important and expensive week-long summit, Mayor naturally felt obliged to give an assessment. But with an eye at the P10 billion it cost to host the event, Mayor had to describe the whole shebang as generally peaceful and orderly, with no untoward incidents reported, except for those clashes between police and leftist protesters.

I am willing to accept those clashes as an exception because there is no way to avoid violence with these people. They always come looking for trouble and the police are always willing to accommodate them. Leftists need clashes to happen so these can be documented, proving their continued activism to their foreign funders. If no protests and clashes happen, they will be seen as inactive and the funding could stop. Protesting, you see, has become a lucrative cottage industry in this country.

But let us go back to Mayor and his "no untoward incidents recorded during APEC" statement because that is where he pulled his hat trick. But of course there were no untoward incidents recorded because no untoward incidents happened. How can untoward incidents happen when government virtually eliminated all chances for them to happen. To pull the trick, Mayor conveniently omitted saying the obvious fact that his boss Noynoy caused the government to shut down the whole of Metro Manila.

But in case Mayor genuinely forgot, he must be reminded that government swept Metro Manila clean of more than 20,000 street dwellers, anyone of whom could be a potential troublemaker, in addition to being filthy and unhealthy reminders of urban blight that he did not want his APEC guests and dignitaries to see, especially the spouses who were wined, dined, or otherwise fawned upon and lavished by his sisters. There was plenty to doodley squat to go around, remember?

And then, having swept Metro Manila clean of its human eyesores, the streets were then rendered off limits to Metro Manilans for one week in favor of the APEC delegates. Metro Manilans were deprived of access to their streets. Disabled from going about their daily lives, they were told to stay home. To force them to stay home, classes were suspended and non-working holidays declared.

Manila Bay was declared a no-sail zone, just in case someone brandishing a sea urchin might attack the APEC delegates from the sea. Even the Pasig River was off limits to anything that floated, the notable exceptions being the human-generated flotsam Pasig has grown notorious for. Someone sneaking up on Malacañang's soft underbelly with a water lily was a possibility that must not be.

And then, of course, airline flights were cancelled by the hundreds. Except for the APEC delegates, no one could come in or out of Manila by air. Airborne troublemakers were therefore deprived of any chance to cause mischief from above. And because the railways were unreliable as usual, it didn't matter if they were running or not. No untoward incident can be expected from something already as troubled as it is.

And so there it is. That sums up the whole gamut of circumstances that allowed Chief Superintendent Mayor to produce what is now destined to be the hat-trick of all time. Everything was all hunky-dory during the APEC. There were no untoward incidents that happened because no incident -- toward or untoward -- can happen in a vacuum, and lives are tied up in a megalomanic straightjacket.