Stuck in the mud of blame

I used to be such an enormous “Blame-thrower.”

In fact I was so good at it that I effectively burned peoples’ abilities and reputation and tarnished their honor without them even knowing it. Blaming others made me feel better about myself, it gave me such a sense of power, a sense of release from my so-called inadequacies and failings especially my responsibilities, and best of all I did not need anyone’s permission to blame anyone and I could blame anyone of my choosing. They say “The best things in life are free” and it did not cost me anything to blame.

Blame became my best friend. If something did not work, blame always gave me a way out. If I failed, blame always pointed out someone to dump on or find fault. I blamed the manufacturer for lousy equipment I couldn’t figure out or never bothered to read on. If I was poor in school I blamed the teachers, the books, the heat and even my parents for working all the time. If I did not excel in sports I blamed coaches, teammates, referees, Heck! I even blamed the ball for being made of rubber or for being too soft. In past relationships, I blamed this girl or that girl for being a snub, an elitist, a flirt, too conservative, too possessive, or too independent or being a bitch.

As I walked through life blame kept me company. Whenever I ran out of money and had no savings I blamed employers for being tightwads and not paying me better. When I had to take the bus or find a cab, I would blame my state of being on bosses who owed me a company car but never delivered or broke their promise. When I saw starter homes or studio units owned by friends, I would always blame our “culture,” government or the economy as the reason why I had to live with my parents past 30 years of age. Yes it was so easy to blame my enemies for starting the feud, picking the fight or for simply being at fault. It never mattered who was right or wrong, I never had to account or be responsible for any blame I threw at others.

The thing I remember most about blame as a weapon of choice is that the more you use it, the more powerful it becomes. Like a submachine gun you can put it on “single” or “multiple,” but in my case single or multiple meant a choice between blaming a single person or multiple people or multiple groups of people. In time you have the natural skills of a Jedi knight, you blame people, situations etc., without requiring conscious effort or careful thought.

Then you enter the darkest moment of them all. As you rise unchallenged and gain position, power, wealth. You use your weapon of choice liberally as a consequence of your sense of entitlement. You abuse people because they deserve it, you abandon people because they were not worth it, if your idea is not popular, it’s because people are too stupid. If things go wrong it will always be someone else’s fault, never yours. You have no problem, no guilt; you have no apprehension for blaming others because it is the norm. Every Filipino does it. In fact, it always qualified as the National Defense Mechanism and has outranked tsismis (gossip) and sabong (cockfighting).  

Until one day it all ends. You continue to live but the people you’ve blamed have moved on, are not affected or concerned with you. They actually have “lives” to live. You’ve become an insignificant player too obsessed with self-justification through blame that you have marginalized whatever possible contribution you can make. The Bee Gee’s song “I started a joke” is all about you.

You end up being a small fish in a big pond, who must now abide by the rules of performance and accountability in a universe of metrics, reports and set goals with no provision, or gives scores for fault finding or blame throwers. You are judged by your work, your words, and if anyone is to be blamed – it will be you. One morning you wake up from a lifelong nightmare and realize you have no earned assets, no career, and wasted all your potential. You don’t even have a place of your own. Worst, you’re ALONE. Then you learn that blame was never free. It costs you relationships, jobs, careers, experience, wisdom and knowledge and most of all it cost you your reputation. In my case I found God or to be accurate he found me. You can’t play the blame game with God because he deals with it everyday and doing so is a lot like cheating yourself, so I straightened out.

 This is what I discovered: A leper can be healed, an ignorant man made wise, a poor man given wealth, a sad man comforted, even the lonely, loved. But a blame thrower throws away all those possibilities because it amounts to blaming God .

Whether you are an ordinary citizen like me or the President of the Republic of the Philippines like President Noynoy Aquino, we have all played the blame game, some longer than others. As ugly as “blame” may sound it was called something far more evil, far more wicked in the times of old. Its true name is “Pride,” one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Yesterday as I watched the President and Pastors pray and clarify issues, it hurt to hear so much blame throwing concerning the Mamasapano Massacre, in an event meant for prayer, or was it just an excuse? Was the President merely borrowing, and the “Pastors” lending stature and influence to sanctify a “Presidential explanation”? I don’t know.

What I do know is that this verse from the Bible stood out:

“ With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” 

(From the book of James Chapter 3 verses 9 and 10)

*      *      *

E-mail: [email protected]