For better but not forever

Poetic as it may sound, I never liked the phrase “Parting is such sweet sorrow” because there is nothing sweet in sorrow and I have always said that in any break up, those who get left behind often suffer the most because they are stuck in the same old familiar places that only serve to torment them. Parting need not be romantic in nature to be full of sorrow nor is it just about physical separation. Sometimes the sorrow can be envious in nature as in being the person who does not get to go on a trip or adventure.

Last Friday the “parting” was worse, knowing that one of our dearest friends was moving on to a safer, cooler, cleaner, kinder environment while the rest of us would be stuck with “What’s NOT Fun in the Philippines. It’s ironic that those who leave always talk about what they’ll miss about the Philippines while those left behind remind them what they can live without; the criminality, the traffic, the incompetent and corrupt government, highest taxes and electricity in Southeast Asia, poorest and lowest quality of services etc. The only good thing about it all was that our friend was going “for better but not for good.” In the end we all love the Philippines.

Technically speaking our friend has a good life in this country but they are moving for the sake of their children. I suspect that it all started out when their eldest daughter set out to study abroad on her own. After only two years, the transformation and growth was so enormous that they convinced their second child to follow suit. A year later, the couple decided that all the children needed to be immersed in a culture of independence and self-reliance in order to prepare them for a future that will certainly be competitive. If you happen to belong to the upper class or the top 20% of wealth producers in the country, it soon dawns upon you that a college degree or a Masters degree is no longer an advantage for employment or personal progress, neither are they as good as they used to be.

What has begun to make a difference is having an honest to goodness “International exposure” acquired by living and growing on site and not just from a temporary stay incidental to a 2-year course. So much premium has now been placed on authentic mastery of foreign language, on the ground network, alongside an international education and training. Even in the best schools of Metro Manila today’s students will not acquire such skills unless they leave the country and live in another. In the process of preparation it also became clear that our dear friend began to realize how challenging as well as liberating life can be living abroad where you have no “connections,” no maids and drivers, and where your family name does not ring a bell, make a difference or gets you kidnapped.

Of course, it helps that they have the means and the opportunity to live abroad without having to make one those “Live or Die” choices that requires you to first walk out of the familiar in order to pursue something that can be a dream or a nightmare. Some might question or criticize their levels of contentment considering they have it all. But do they?

Some people I know leave the country just to be rid of the day-to-day drama of extended families or people telling them how to live their lives. But as for our friend I fully appreciated the reality and frustration under Philippine conditions. For starters, any middle or upper class parent who ever attempts at developing independence and self-reliance in their children will almost surely experience a tide of criticism if not obstruction from grandparents and well meaning friends. Many people place so much trust in their current wealth and the luxuries it buys without realizing that the next generation may not have the skills required to generate, acquire, or maintain today’s wealth unless they get yesterdays training, such as independence and self-reliance like “Lolo” did.

Ironically, it is partly because of the wealth that many Filipinos are not capable of “living alone” or fending for themselves. The luxury of having maids and cooks have also bought them ignorance and made them incapable of basic domestic chores. We of course justify this by saying I did not go to college to be good at domestic chores and besides, I am giving people jobs to do what I can’t or won’t. But that’s not the point is it. The issue is self-reliance and independence.

Our friend and her kids are excited about learning how, when and where to take the inter-city bus, the rapid transit train system, school bus and plane check in. But how can we teach that here in Metro Manila where the only time the crime wave goes down is when the spokespersons or commanders of the PNP are giving the reports. Otherwise all you have to do is listen to the nightly newscasts and you will know for sure that it’s not safe to let our kids out unguarded or unsupervised.

Try teaching your kids how to take a tricycle, a jeepney, a bus, MRT or plane and they will certainly have a blood clot from confusion and frustration. Any person who rides any of the above are not just “making a personal choice,” they are taking a big risk in terms of physical safety being in a “vehicle” that would not pass any international safety standard. In fact the tricycle and jeepney does not fall into any real definition of a “vehicle.” Imagine how frightened a young adult would be trying to fly within the Philippines knowing flights can be stopped, delayed, rerouted with no prior notice or intelligent explanation.

How will you explain routes, schedules and fares for transportation in the Philippines, well? We don’t even know where they start and end because we just catch them somewhere along the way. As for schedules, we only very recently established a “Philippine Standard time” which is to no avail except to tell the time because schedules never work because of the traffic.

The truth is we spend so much time and energy on survival we never fully achieve independence and self-reliance because It’s Not THAT Fun in the Philippines.

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