Pag-iisang dibdib

In just a few days, the month of May will be upon us. May is not just election season or the fiesta season.  It is also the wedding season.

Per the National Statistics Office (NSO), May — not June — is the Filipino’s most sought-after month for wedding. In 2010, of the total 482,480 weddings, 11.2% or 54,037 were celebrated in May.  In 2011, of the 476,408 registered marriages, 11.7 percent or about 55,529, occurred in May. June is not even second place. For 2010, December and January came in second, both at 10.6 percent.

If the trend continues, there must be, for this month alone, in the Philippines, at least 55,000 couples saying “I do.” This translates to 55,000 families being founded this month, More dramatically, 1,774 new families emerge in the Philippines, every day in May, via the formal wedding route.

Aside from elections, therefore, (or perhaps precisely because of the upcoming elections),  it is high time to talk about marriage and family life. As Aristotle said: “Man is by nature more inclined to live as a couple than to associate politically, since the family is something that precedes and is more necessary than the state.”

Marriage is best described by the Filipino word for it — “pag-iisang dibdib.”

“Pag-iisa” (the process of uniting) captures the reality that man and woman were created for one another. “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Gen 2:24)

The word “dibdib” (referring to the heart), in turn, signifies the unbreakable union of two lives, into a covenant of love, recalling what the plan of the Creator had been in the beginning: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh.”  (Mt 19:6; CCC 1605)

“Pag-iisang dibdib” vividly expresses the indissoluble union of man and woman, such that “what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” (Mt 19:6.) It also is a reminder that “marriage is a process, not a state, a beginning, not an end; a threshold, not a goal. Your marriage certificate is a learner’s permit, not a diploma.” (Catechism for Filipino Catholics  1901)

In a report released last month, NSO stated that since 2009, the number of marriages has been declining. There was a 1.3 per cent drop from 2010 to 2011:  from 482,480 to 476,408 marriages.

There is nothing in these figures however that detract from the fact that marriage is still overwhelmingly popular and remains to be the Filipino’s ideal. Filipinos still choose marriage over cohabitation or common law relationship; and they aspire to stay married instead of separating, whether legally or de facto.   

In NSO figures for 2000, 45.8% of the total population 10 years old and above, were legally married, 1.2% were separated, 4.2% were in common law relationship, 6.2% widowed and 1.1% unknown. The singles accounted for 41.4%. In 2007, the legally married accounted for 45.33%, the divorced/separated 1.16%, common law/live-in/unknown  4.86%,  and the widowed 4.33%. The singles accounted for 44.3%,

Indeed, just like in other countries, “regardless of social background, marriage and family life remains a widely shared aspiration. This desire has increased over the past two decades from 77 per cent who said they would choose marriage in 1975 to 80 per cent in 1995.” (Kevin Andrews, “Maybe I do-modern marriage & the pursuit of happiness”, 2012 ed., p. 21)

There is no doubt that the attacks against marriage are still raging.  Experts refer to one of the most potent of these attacks as the “deconstruction” of marriage and family life, where marriage and family are viewed to be something that we ourselves created and therefore man may arbitrarily go for new forms of love and creation.

This is the reason why, with the lack of pro-marriage and family initiatives and legislations, couples are helping other couples, and families are supporting one another, to preserve, promote, and witness to the dignity of “pag-iisang dibdib.”

Since February this year, every week, in the various Philippine provinces and across the globe, thousands of couples have been renewing their marriage vows, after attending what has been dubbed as “Cana Weekend.”

I have personally witnessed the ones conducted in Baguio City, Tagaytay City, La Union, Ilocos Norte, and in Palawan.  Mindanao couples held their Cana Weekend in Surigao City, those in Leyte in Ormoc City, those in Bicol in Legaspi, Albay.  Singapore had its Cana Weekend last April 13, 2013 while UAE and Kuwait held theirs on February 22 and 25, 2013, respectively.

The Cana Weekend in North America will be held on July 12-14, 2013 in Vancouver, Canada, and on July 26-28, 2013 in New Jersey.

In all these Cana Weekends, married couples are reminded that marriage is actually “a moment in salvation history” and family life should be a “foretaste of heaven.” These notions are captured by another Filipino expression for marriage: “lumagay sa tahimik” (literally to be in a place of calm and peace) and the word “tahan” (be at peace, comforted or consoled). 

Indeed, the concept and reality of “pag-iisang dibdib”, “paglagay sa tahimik,” and “tahanan” should be defended against threats from forces that seek to make them extinct in the Filipino vocabulary and more importantly,  in the Filipino psyche. 

Arnel M. Santos is a member of the International Council of Couples for Christ.  He is a litigation lawyer, married to  Mariter Delfin Santos, with two children: Jose Emilio and Maria Psalma.