Candidate No. 2

A few years back, I told the world I was ready to be the Supreme Court Chief Justice, but no one listened.  Especially not Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, who totally ignored my indisputably excellent credentials (never mind she probably never even saw it), and went ahead and appointed Renato Corona instead.  This oversight happened right before she exited her presidency with a bang, and so now, look what happened: aside from accusations of midnight appointments and repaid favors, Corona has been impeached and adjudged guilty, and now we have to select another Chief Justice.

Now that there’s another vacancy, the jockeying for the post has begun.  Various names and personalities have been floated, and another circus seems to be in the works, as the Judicial and Bar Council has agreed to televise the selection process. While I think I am fairly telegenic, I am also deathly afraid of public speaking.  Too, I probably should not compete so brazenly with the other equally-desperate candidates.  It may therefore be a good idea to just wait in the wings, watching the unfolding of yet another telenovela. 

I am curious to find out whether this was the same thought that went through the mind of former Energy Secretary Raphael “Popo” Lotilla when he declined his nomination to the court.  In a polite but firm refusal letter, Popo said he’d rather that we stick to the rule of seniority in terms of succession to the post (meaning the most senior justice should get first dibs).  Considering the highly politicized atmosphere that’s already charged the selection process, Popo thought it would be best if the Prez just picked the most senior.

Of course, Popo is a zillion times more qualified to the post than the other candidates, and so it’s a big blow to judicial excellence for him to turn his back on this chance.  For sure, he’s so much more desirable from my standpoint than, say, Congressman Teddy Locsin, who made such a big homophobic fuss about the international airport.  Arrayed right beside Teddy is Supreme Court aspirant (and dismissed judge) Florentino Floro, who communicates with dwarves in his self-appointed role as ‘Chief Justice of the Universe.’

A motley crew of some 40 other names have been submitted to the JBC, and soon it will be time to scrutinize and speculate on their credentials.  On my wish list: somebody who isn’t too long winded. Far too often we’ve been the unfortunate recipient of decisions handed down by a high court seemingly unconcerned with brevity.  Their rulings are chock-full of verbiage and reek of legalese, which is truly lamentable, since not only is the subject matter already complex in itself, but then the kilometric writing style of some justices adds to the confusion.  The result: the brains of scholars get fried in the attempt to process the circuitous logic hopefully found somewhere in the so-called decision.

 Mr. President, can’t you appoint someone possessed with an economy of words? Laconic is good. It would be nice if we could actually get a justice who can write decisions like this: “Case dismissed. Appellant, stupid.  Stupid appellants, pay cash.  No motions for reconsideration. This, final.  Next!”

Wouldn’t decisions like that be amazing?  Not only would we save so much paper, we would also make the lives of law students so much easier.  Of course, law professors might be driven nuts and complain: how would we ever teach stare decisis?  When would we know whether the facts of the cases are similar, so we can arrive at the same result?

Such negativity.  Can’t you whiny professors just research the facts by reading everything previously filed by the parties to the case, whether directly with the high court or before the lower courts?  Why wait for a justice to condense 10 case folders into 120 pages?  That’s what legal scholars are meant to do, right? Research?

So that’s on the top of my wish list for a justice.  A close second would be, a candidate with zero tolerance for discrimination.  It would be nice to have a defender of constitutional liberties ensconced in there, fighting for sexual minorities.  We’d get some interesting decisions out, for sure. Oh, and it would be nice if we could get someone good looking as well. 

I somehow doubt, though, that the President and I have the same tastes.