'Why you gotta be so mean'

Thanks to my daughter Hannah, I have become a Taylor Swift fan for many reasons.

First I like her songs, then I like the story of her life and how she and her mother worked together to carve a career path for Taylor Swift that was strategic, determined and patient. Finally, I like how Taylor Swift always manages to turn the tables on people who dump her or dumped on her and have the last word.

Instead of bad mouthing people who hurt her, Taylor Swift writes chart-busting songs about those people and the failed relationships. Instead of simply getting mad, she gets even in a way that only a true artist can. She writes about the mixed emotions without being foul or bitter. Because of this, many young people have related to her words and her songs that have made her increasingly popular among pre-teens and teenagers.

Her recent hit “Mean” has struck a cord among the many “underdogs” bullied in school, at work, and even in music awards shows. In her early years Taylor Swift was the subject of a very cutting and hurtful review when stage fright got the better of her and ended up singing flat. At that time, Swift was quite young and was understandably overwhelmed to be singing at the Grammys.

Instead of going through a terminal depression like Karen Carpenter did, Taylor Swift did what she does best; she wrote a song. That song is entitled “Mean” and you can catch the “Grammy” version on You tube. It speaks of bullies, chauvinists and especially of entertainment critics who are so “Mean”.

I’m using Taylor Swift’s song as a springboard for today’s topic because this is what it’s all about: people who are so mean.

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With so much emphasis on attracting investors and creating employment, it might be a good idea if the P-Noy administration particularly the Department of Labor and Employment( DOLE), as well as the Bureau of Immigration (BI) were to monitor how a number of Expat bosses conduct themselves at the workplace.

I don’t know if it’s been a unique week or if there was a growing incidence, but I received two complaints about Expat Bosses, one Singaporean and one Malaysian, who habitually verbally abuse their subordinates at the workplace. Initially I thought it was the usual case of Filipinos being sensitive to correction or reprimand.

What I learned was that the two Expat managers actually use foul language and curse words habitually and treat Filipino employees as second-class citizens in the workplace. In the case involving the Malaysian executive, the aggrieved party has decided to take the matter to court and eventually to the media and probably the BID.

This developing concern is rather surprising since multinational companies are very sensitive about such behavior in the workplace and this is considered a “red flag” among executive recruiters as well as top management. In addition, such behavior if properly documented could make a case for being an “Undesirable Alien” which is grounds for deportation.  

Perhaps it would help if Expat executives were given a crash course or at the very least a familiarization card about what they can and can’t do at the workplace. There is certainly no excuse or justification for any manager or executive, both Expat and local, to be using foul language or curses regardless of their frustration or displeasure.

On the other hand, Filipino executives or employees must learn to speak up and speak out against such degrading or insulting behavior whether the tirade is addressed to them or to others. People get so worried about losing their job or getting involved but often forget that a verbally abusive Manager is the equivalent of an abusive spouse. It starts with a sarcastic remark, which progresses to a snide remark and then becomes cutting and eventually humiliating and abusive.

Believe me, they could resort to physical abuse if they would. That is the very pattern followed by abusive husbands involved in Domestic violence cases. Sadly half of the horror story is about someone who was afraid to speak out or cowards simply covering their own ass and not stepping in to stop the offender.

I don’t know who it was that taught me how to deal with these kinds of situations, but that person stepped up to the verbally abusive person and said, “what ever business or situation you may have with someone, don’t ever do it in my presence because you insult me and challenge me to do the something about it”.

That really is what it is all about. Whether it is a schoolyard bully or a verbally abusive boss, that person is actually challenging all of us and our values and beliefs. He is thumbing his nose at us and telling us he can get away with what he wants to do and we are all too afraid to do something about it.

Many of us, at one point or another have been guilty of verbal abuse, but by God’s grace many have learned that it is unkind and speaks poorly of our character and professional skills. Unfortunately there are still a number of expat and local executives who need to be told, taught or mentored just like physically abusive husbands need to undergo rehabilitation and anger management.

Don’t ever be afraid or hesitant to act on any form of abuse or violence because we are all victims in one form or another. Stand up and refuse to be insulted or assaulted by the office bully.