The silence of my friends

As I viewed my Facebook page, a fellow church member posted something from the book of Proverbs 27:10 that goes “ Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father…”

Although I have read through the Book of Proverbs, I must confess that this was the first time that the reminder lingered in my thoughts. Perhaps because I have had the luxury and the discomfort of looking at people and friendships that have been challenged by circumstance and failed to live up to expectation.

To be brutally honest, I have failed a number of friendships when friendship was needed. When Actor Robin Padilla landed in the state penitentiary, I could have “shown” my friendship by simply showing up as a visitor.

But I didn’t. Not because I was ashamed to be associated with him but rather I did not want to add to his embarrassment and humiliation, to be seen in his diminished state and such squalid surroundings.

Years later, he graciously appeared on “Straight Talk” and told me how a visit from a friend often made the difference between desperation and hope. I realized that at that point, guilty or not, he had already been judged. Pride or humiliation mattered very little. What was important was to know from friends that he still mattered and that he was still remembered.

Because he forgave me and because he taught me the value of a simple visit, it was no burden for me to visit former President Joseph Estrada when he was detained at the Veterans Memorial Hospital and eventually in far off Tanay, Rizal.

In the case of Erap, he was my father’s friend, not mine. In fact he did not like me at the start because I often picked on his son Jinggoy Estrada when I was still in radio at DZMM. But because I kept visiting Erap for four years, I won “my father’s friend” and learned many lessons no University could ever teach me.

In return, Erap had a four-year course on “Real Life: the Bible version” and in the times when his situation and his enemies drove him to the edge, he found comfort and confirmation in his faith.

I also made friends with people who gave true meaning to the word loyalty and faithfulness. I saw people who stood by Erap and his family, especially in the darkest times of his life.

Years after, I watched from a distance how a grievous mistake was about to overwhelm and swallow Hayden Kho and how all that was crashing in on my friend Vicky Belo. Once again, I did not know what to do as a friend and being unable to do or say anything for fear of adding fuel to the fire was painfully paralyzing.

But having learned from the past, I did the only thing I could do. I invited them to my birthday party, simply to show that they are friends, that we cared and would not pass judgment.

As a “friend”, I made it clear to Hayden that he “made serious mistakes, but having said that, it was not the end of the world”. What mattered was that we recognize our mistakes and that we do something about it.

I will never forget what Hayden Kho said to me after that: “It is not the criticism of my enemies that hurt me, but silence of my friends”.

So true, so true.

But how do you handle a situation where the facts are unclear and the accusation so severe? How do you walk across the room, when the media and publicity hungry personalities have jumped in to accuse someone you know of “murder most foul” or absolute shame and scandal?

Imagine the situations of people like the former president of the International Monetary Fund Dominique Strauss-Khan who was turned into the poster boy of rapists and power tripping men?

How can you show public display of support or affection for Casey Anthony who went through two years of being tagged as a “Baby Killer”, “a rape victim of her own father” and a “freaking party animal”?

What public friendship do you offer to guys like Hubert Webb who even after being acquitted by the Supreme Court still has to defend his name and what’s left of his reputation.

And what about the guy named Joel Reyes, former governor of Palawan, who after backing out of local politics finds himself accused of murder and the target of what has been described as “ a well funded and well orchestrated media campaign”. 

After being thrown in jail, forced to resign his post and kiss any chance of becoming President of France, we now learn that he was set-up for blackmail that became a demolition job by an international syndicate. His accuser has been found out for conspiracy, money laundering etc.

Was he set up in order to get him out of the IMF or to prevent him from becoming the next President of France?

In the matter of Casey Anthony, so many media personalities were sure that Casey Anthony would spend the rest of her life in jail. But the jury who were never exposed to the media led lynch mobs, thought differently.

Casey Anthony walked out of jail after paying for her past and minor sins. But she was declared innocent of the charge of murdering her daughter because the apparent cause of death was accidental drowning.

As a result, certain media personalities are now feeling the backlash and reprisal of concerned organizations over the reckless behavior and accusations made by the media against Casey Anthony.

Hubert Webb practically served the full sentence for the Vizconde Massacre. But was declared innocent by the Supreme Court.

Ex Governor Joel Reyes endured the humiliating experience of being in the headlines and news channels for several days, until the case was thrown out by the Department of Justice, but only after so much damage was done to his family and his reputation.

I vaguely remember the circumstance, but my father’s friend former Senator Manong Ernie Maceda once went out on a limb and stood by a friend whose situation was untenable and unpopular.

I went out of my way just to understand how he could risk his personal reputation by siding with someone people wanted to lynch. He told me “there comes a time in life when friendship requires that you make a choice”. 

Whether in private or in public, such friendship is a choice.