It's final and executory

I have noticed that some banks are offering clients and prospective clients delicious fastfood treats. They sure know that the surest way to the client’s heart is through his stomach.

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My good friend Ben Ypil calls me everytime my column fails to come out as scheduled. “Are you okay?” he would asked knowing that this vintage machine isn’t as fine as it used to be.

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Assured that I’m okay, Ben would then start to let his humor machine work. Last Friday he said: “People wanted by the law should not hide from the warrant of arrest. That’s a lot better than the cardiac arrest.”

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A Pampangueno “Kristo” is to be crucified for the 26th time, says this news story in the Philippine STAR. That beats my Kristo who was crucified only once.

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The son of a lawyer of my acquaintance said his girlfriend’s father who is a judge dumped him when he proposed marriage. “Don’t fret,” I said. “He might change his mind.” But he didn’t agree with me. “Her father,” said, “has made it clear that his decision is final and executory.” Hehehe.

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E-mail from Berto Daguman, “Freeman friend of long ago” (his words): “The Philippines is contesting China’s claim to the Spratly islands ... Picture in your mind a little boy wanting to take hold of the lollipop in the hand of a giant boy. Or a roadroller about to flattern a tin can on the road.”

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Mrs. Carmencita Gurrea of Ban-Tal Road called up to make known her support for the move to ban plastic in the city. “I’m referring to plastic shopping bags and people with plastic habits and behavior.”

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Mrs. Gurrea called up again about 20 minutes later. “Clarification, please,” she said. “Leave the plastic bags alone. Let the anti-plastic campaign focus only on plastic people.”

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TRIVIA — An offbeat news has it that a rape victim in Chicago cut off the rapist’s penis and fed it to her dog. She was arrested for cruelty to the dog.

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