Pure M.A.D.ness

This sidesplitting text is making the rounds: Breaking news! At the height of the hostage crisis, Malacañang factions “Samar” and “Balay” claimed to put aside their differences and stood united behind P-Noy. The combined force was known as “Sablay”.

In the budget review at the Lower House, a sassy Minority Congressman taunted Sec. Sonny Coloma calling his office the “miscommunications” group. The barb gained the desired response of guffaws from the peanut gallery. Sadly, it also underscored the growing exasperation of an eager public.

Filipinos vent their frustration through humor, the customary and preferred coping mechanism. Social analysts have identified this only-in-the-Philippines phenomenon as the cause of our high level of tolerance for ineptitude and folly. They observed that our culture puts a lot of value on saving “face” while our religion teaches us to turn the other cheek and expect our reward or punishment in the afterlife rather than the present.

This unique de-stress strategy has its plusses and minuses. On the positive side, kneejerk reactions like fraternity-style rambles and soccer-fan riots are avoided. Bungling officials are sniped at with wisecracks that don’t wound them lethally as bullets would. The national blood pressure and hypertension don’t shoot up to fatal heights.

On the negative side, expressing valid observations as witticisms rather than productive criticism lessens their legitimacy, relegating them as “minor, minor” concerns. Jokes dissipate righteous anger, allowing lapses to remain uncorrected. The target of the jeer could simply shrug it off, feign ignorance, deny any wrongdoing and hang in there till it blows over. Rarely do public officials ever leave from shame. Resignations as atonement for bad judgment or incompetence are unheard of in Philippine politics. In fact, even when figuratively or literally caught with their pants down, they remain brazen — the debauched equivalent of mooning their constituency. A steel gut and a thick hide are considered must-haves by politicians.

But before declaring a Ramon Magsaysay awardee and recognized turnaround ex-Mayor of Naga City as “inept and pathetic”, let’s investigate. It is a fact that the traditional authority over the Police was removed from Secretary Jesse Robredo. Instead the position of Undersecretary of Police was created and gun enthusiast Rico Puno was assigned the job. There’s an inside story that there were instructions from the Palace ordering Sec. Robredo not to get involved in the hostage crisis. P-Noy explained that Robredo “performs his Napolcom functions mostly in a ministerial manner for now”.

But the proponents for VP Binay to head DILG are getting louder. So the question becomes — Why is Robredo being fed to the wolves when he didn’t have real authority over Napolcom? Why is the Palace ambiguous about Robredo’s role in the Aug 23 fiasco? Why is the Samar-Balay discord being allowed to intensify?

Instead of focusing all energies to solve the country’s daunting problems, precious time is wasted in the tug-o-war! While the fight for supremacy worsens between the two blocs, paralysis sets in. It’s the classic Italian gridlock where nobody moves. The typical Mexican standoff where there can be no clear winner. The Urban dictionary calls it a poor man’s M.A.D. “Mutually Assured Destruction”. Wikipedia defines M.A.D. as a doctrine of military strategy where the full scale use of nuclear weapons by opposing sides would effectively wipe out both.

The longer this black comedy runs in the Cabinet theater-of-the-absurd, the more the players act like characters in Spaghetti westerns with the one-liner, “The dude had a gun to my head, but I had a knife in his gut”. And like a shoddier version of the Jerry Springer show, the squabbling that was highlighted by the Luneta bloodbath, is on primetime television. The Sablay high tension drama is staple telenovela material that can generate high network ratings.

This petty rivalry is as deadly as a malignant tumor that if allowed to grow further, will smother the hope that Filipinos pinned on this administration. P-Noy should demand that his team work toward measurable goals and outcomes and ignore personal intrigues. They don’t have to like each other to work together. If anyone’s Ego is bigger than his love for country, he should be excised to lessen the toxic environment.

A leader should occasionally practice “tough love”. Point out errors, declare solutions and clarify expectations immediately and emphatically. Castigate poor behavior not to humiliate but to prevent repetition. Pavlovian training is the proven method to teach even an old dog, new tricks. A stalemate situation just like the hostage crisis can only be resolved by diplomacy, surrender or pre-emptive strike.

If nothing else works, the President should look beyond the Sablay gene pool and search for fresh talent with modified DNA. There are 90 million Filipinos plus another 10 million living abroad. Seek professional help for a wider and more thorough search. Human resource managers are experienced in spotting potential especially among Filipinos with a global mindset. Most are only too happy to support a clean, honest and hopefully effective new government anyway they can. They wouldn’t even mind the pittance pay if they can catch a glimpse of paradise in return.

Stop the custom of rewarding campaign “volunteers and donors” with plum government positions. It is an appalling practice that contradicts the promise of change, an overture for continued political patronage and accommodation. As long as familiarity and devotion are the primary criteria for selection, the Russian doll syndrome would be the inevitable side effect. Smaller and smaller people who can’t make their own shadow follow their direction; whose projected confidence far exceeds their inherent competence; who cannot see the bigger picture or serve for the greater good because his perspective is obstructed by self-interest.

So how does one solve a Mexican stand-off or an Italian gridlock? Simple. If they can’t work together, get rid of the Italians and Mexicans.

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