I dare you . . .

For the longest time the crystal sat among the few mementos of my past life. It was a gift given to me by “Bianca”, a Jewish American lady I met in Westport, Connecticut. She was smart, very attractive and a very caring person.

Being single and the only male Pinoy in the next five towns, I was soon entertaining romantic notions with her. But as fate would have it, our names were not on the bridal registry of life. What she became was a very special friend who encouraged me whenever I was down, she would lift me up by reminding me how much courage it took for me to just pack a bag and fly to a foreign country on a wind and a prayer. She was never a “lover” but she had become more than a friend.

When time came for both of us to move on, we had dinner and it was there she gave me the crystal delicately wrapped in rice paper. I gazed upon the smooth crystal in my hand, silently reading its message against the candlelight:

“What you dare to dream, dare to do”

I gazed into that crystal again 22 years later after daring to dream and daring to do many times over. I realized that after all is said and done, we must never ever forget to honor those who have believed in you, in your dreams and in your future.

Whether it’s a Bianca or your wife, your brother or your best friend, your father or your mentor, an uncle or a boss or simply someone who honored you not only with their time, money or friendship but because most important of all: they believed in you.

We need to be reminded once in a while of a difficult truth and reality — there are people in our lives who have earned a position of being a “friend closer than a brother”. Mentors who have become more than a father. All of us, if we make the effort, can and will rediscover special people who have or deserved a special place in our hearts with honor.

We may have moved on, married, changed jobs, switched politics, maybe even changed “religion”. But still there are some very few and special people who are just as important as those we presently love and look up to.

It takes a certain amount of years and emotional maturity to understand and appreciate that in spite of our current priorities, there are a few people in life who have made that “one significant act” or “a lifetime of contributions” to what we are now and who we have become.

We may choose to “move on” or to grow. We enter new relationships, new alliances. They even say that the reality of friendships is that from season to season we will take on new friends and set aside old friends or maybe just become very selective. Moving on, however, is not license to abandon or to deny what “special people” have given us. To walk away from them because of present company, goals or alliances dishonors them.

In his teachings, Rizal warns us: “Ang hindi marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, ay hindi makararating sa paroroonan”. This prophetic warning, even in English about a person who fails to honor whence he came from, is cursed never to reach the destiny he aspires to reach, tells us in no uncertain terms that our future has been set by those acts of kindness made in the past.

Filipinos have made the mistake of teaching this lesson in the context of indebtedness called “utang na loob”. Sadly it is not.

God requires it of us; that in all things we must recognize him as our provider and protector as well as our God. That’s small change for all the good that we get from him.

Our parents expect it of us, even though it will not determine their unconditional love for their children, and truth be told we ourselves desire and expect it from others. It is about a deserved recognition expressed by gratitude. It is love expressed with thanks. It is to honor and not to be indebted.     

Earlier in the year, I wrote an article about “The Godfather”, or as my Chinese friends have taught me, “Kwepe”. It was an article meant to recognize and honor a person who has always been there for me. For a season, we did not agree on certain things, but in spite of all the “issues” I had, the ultimate truth was, no disagreement or disappointment could ever be bigger than all the good and goodwill he had shown.

Recently I shared with a friend that he should always consider returning to whence he came from. He was struggling with momentary hurt, pride and fear of rejection. With so much uncertainty, it becomes easier to just walk away or avoid those inconvenient moments when we don’t want to hurt or be hurt.

I can only pray for him and for others like him, that they would all take time and take stock of all the many acts of kindness, trust and confidence that they received and place all of that side by side against momentary hurts or disappointments, even rebuke.

As children we habitually focus and enlarge our hurt or pain whenever we are scolded, rebuked or punished for our disobedience or disrespect. It is simply human nature that drives us to focus on ourselves and on the injury. Seldom do we sit down and ask ourselves — compared to all the love and sacrifice our parents made for us — is our hurt or pain really that big a matter?

Once we compare the good against the bad, we will quickly realize that at the very least…we do owe it to those special people to honor them.