Lesson Plan

Oh Master Chip, I’m so agonizing right now, which is why I had to write this letter to you. I am so sorry for the brouhaha caused by the bruhas in Manila, I didn’t realize my fellow service personnel would be so touchy about you calling them just what they are – a nation of servants.

But first of all, let me apologize for my carabao English, you know, my university wasn’t as good as the schools here in Hong Kong. Why, I bet if I went to school here, I’m so sure I would be in a much better place than here, your cute living quarters so glamorously called a flat, with that remarkably piquant smells of soy sauce and fish paste that I will never forget – not that I have complaints, since as you know, I double check my feeding bowl to see if I ate every scrap of food you leave over, especially since I need to make sure I have enough energy for the demanding 16-hour job that you’ve so generously given to me. (What an opportunity!)

Anyway, going to the back. I mean, you know, those fellow countrymen of mine better not take offense at your column, my golly gee whiz. After all, you are some special Chinese citizen you are, being so smart and all, having worked in BBC and written in HK Magazine for oh so many years now.

This honor and privilege of working for you, in this great country, is the very reason why I agreed to be paid such low wages, so low it’s almost shocking to the conscience, at least, if you had one, but we all know you don’t, dear Master, so what’s the point of mentioning it, right? Ah, after so many years of cleaning your toilet and picking up after your mess, I know you so well. And now I have to do it again.

Do not worry, Master Chip. I will take care of your troubles. I will write my fellow Filipinas, including my best friend Inday, whose nose is bleeding right now, and tell them to accept their lot, hang their heads low and accept your superiority over them. No need to tell all your other friends in Hong Kong to watch out just in case their maids might turn out to be Philippine spies.

I mean, how can you think that of us, when we’ve subjugated and abased and degraded ourselves, just to have the pleasure of being at your beck and call girl (I learned that in Pretty Woman, by the way). We would never become spies in your country! One would think there was actually something worth learning here in this little island, when everyone knows the political bigwigs and the intelligentsia are found in Peking!

And also, do not fret, like you wrote in your illuminating article, that I will use part of my wages to pay taxes to the Philippine government, which the Philippine government will then use to wage war against China in its claim of sovereignty over the Spratly Islands. My near-sighted government has in fact already passed a law that says overseas workers are tax-exempt when it comes to wages earned from abroad, so every penny I receive from you are entirely mine to use as I please, including paying the tips to all the delivery boys of the Chinese a la carte cuisine (endearingly called “take-away”) you keep ordering for our nightly spread. I mean, it’s just a matter of face, Master Chip, since you never have small change and I would never want these delivery boys to think Chip is too cheap to tip. No, I cannot let that happen to your good reputation.

This is exactly what my degree in International Politics is good for, making sure there is harmony between my nation and yours, smoothing ruffled feathers (although here in Hong Kong I have to say I get worried very now and then by the bird flu that I never seem to be at risk for back in my hot humid country), and making sure there are smiles pasted on our faces, never mind how plastic.

You have to understand Master Chip, I care about my future and the future of my family I left back home. I work so they can eat and so that they can go to school. My government is the least of my concerns – after all, if my government cared about me and made sure I had good job opportunities at home, do you think I’d be here taking this crap from you? (My smile, Master Chip, my smile is still pasted.)

Take a nap, Master. Meanwhile, I will play this new inspirational tape I just got from Kowloon. You might even learn something from this. It’s titled - The Dignity of Labor.

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