Fumbled inheritance
I recently accepted an invitation to speak to a group of young students regarding how young people can be above average. A few days after accepting the invitation, a good friend invited me out to lunch during which we talked about his young sons and how he was trying to mentor them in business.
I was all ears about how he now made it his mission to spend the first hour or two at work talking and meeting with his sons and teaching them how he operates the business, how he makes decision, as well as his vision. After the daily meetings with Dad, the sons then go on with their assigned responsibility as part of the company.
This was certainly against the mould for most Filipino run corporations where the boss is often a self-made man who has worked too hard to take risks specially bringing in their children. In many cases, most self made executives spend more time building up and supporting their managers and employees and simply give lip service to their own flesh and blood.
I just realized that these self-made success stories have big bags of fear and guilt that most have not come to terms with. The fear begins with embarrassment. They’re either scared that their children will turn out to be incompetent or they’re afraid for their children to look stupid or be ridiculed. In most cases it has more to do with the parents’ ego or pride because it might reflect on them as parents or as a person.
This usually happens when parents begin the “Management or business training” program too late. They wait for the “Right age” or the “Right time” never realizing that kids as early as five years old have already picked up language skills from us as well as their beginners course for Driver education.
It’s really hilarious to note that for some strange reason, toddlers always learn the “bad words” in the language first and “bad ideas” in our driving skills! Is it because it has to do with things that stink or because they only have four letters most of the time?
At six years old they already have clearly defined notion of property and provision. They fluently express this by saying: Mine, Mine! And Buy me! And they certainly know who to go to and who not to go to on matters of buying toys, ice cream, sleep-over and Hamsters.
So any of you who still has notions of the right time please remember this message I once read at the Hotdog stand during a summer in
Next to fear of embarrassment, many folks confess their concern of losing control and being open to fault or corporate criticism. Unlike employees, children are on a different level of relationship. You can certainly fire them but they can get back at you for life. Many parent managers or bosses also fear that children may latch on to another parent figure or person of influence which could create corporate relational issues and blind sides.
Isn’t it strange that many of bosses and managers can run a company, a district or even a country but are so unsure about their relational status with their children? Why? ; Because many successful people don’t know their sons and daughters.
Most of these powerful folks still call their mature sons and daughters “Kids” because that was their last reference point when they were still very involved with them; a time when the priority was the immediate family, not the corporate or global family.
A Congressman was doing the traditional handshaking down the line during a campaign and as he went from person to person he firmly shook hands when the person said: Dad, it’s me!
Another bothersome thought to successful managers and bosses is that their children are not as good as the employees or managers of the same age in the office or the business. Now whose fault do you think that is?
Most successful Bosses often compensate by hiring full time yayas and drivers. Some kids even grow up to have alalays all the way into their adult years. All the needs are met; there is hardly any challenge or difficulty introduced in terms of material needs and comfort.
I remember a young female manager who traveled abroad in the company of her yaya because she never ever slept in a room just by herself.
A young student was asked why he did not put effort into his studies the young man said “Why should I bother, my dad can buy the school anyway!”
One common gripe that many over achieving parents have is the inability of young people to have disciplined work ethics like getting up early or going to work on time.
Well…Hello??!!! Most of us certainly would not have the so called discipline, work ethics or time management we now have if it were not for the environment, culture and age and maturity required to produce such behavior.
First of all, most of today’s bosses and managers are over forty and naturally wake up at
In the early days, we did not have cable TV, computers, cell phones that kept us up all night. We read books. We had house rules. We got out of bed at a certain time and told to “fix” the bed. We had meals at a certain time and you ate what was on the table and regardless of the fact that it was “TUYO” you ate with the expected manners of one enjoying fine dining.
We went home just before dark and before your mother or the Mayor Doma called your name the third time unless you want stripes on your ass. We were all REQUIRED to share in the house chores or be dad’s assistant and the older you got the more time you put in! If Mom or Dad were awake then you also had to get out of your bed unless you’re sick!
The whole thing is a Life Time of teaching, training, explaining, punishment included. It was either a mouthful of hurt, a buttful of welts, or a hungry stomach. In hindsight and personal revelation we now know that it turns out to be just as painful for our parents as it was for us. What made us successful were THEIR sacrifice and THEIR commitment that worked well with our guts and our luck.
Unfortunately instead of handing down the legacy and inheritance of a mentored and disciplined life, many of today’s success story are second rate players who fumbled and failed to pass the ball on time and like spoiled superstars they blame it on the intended receivers…their sons and daughters.
I’ll keep you posted on my friend’s performance. At least he belongs to a team that wants to pass the ball to the next generation.
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