American Express

I guess I'm not alone in thinking that visiting America can be so stressful. The Travel Industry Association of America has just released figures showing that since 2001, tourist arrivals have dropped by 17%. The culprit? America is perceived to be not very travel-friendly.

In a reported survey, prospective travelers said that they were afraid they would get detained at American airports. They were worried that they would make a mistake in filling out a form, or say the wrong thing to an immigration official. Half the respondents said that U.S. officials at airports (the first point of alien contact with American civilization) were rude. (So much for hoping that you'll get someone with Oprah's empathy to usher you in.)

Obviously, the message being received is, America doesn't welcome visitors at its doorsteps. Even business travelers, students, and medical tourist numbers have reportedly declined. Since it's so much easier to travel to other destinations, that's where the tourists are going - and America is feeling it. Tourism revenues are reportedly way down.

This loss of billions in potential tax revenues and hundreds of thousands of jobs has now led to a new bill in the US Congress, the "Blueprint to Discover America." This blueprint is supposed to improve the process of getting tourist visas and allow the feds to manage the long lines in busy airports.

But is that really going to work? I was thinking, they better also put some serious funding in intensive charm training for immigration agents. Like, after a twelve-to-sixteen hour flight (depending on which Coast your butt's going to land in) you get herded into an arrival hall and you straggle onto a long queue before a stern-faced official - isn't that stressful enough? So improve the agents - those agents (preferably blond and blue-eyed) should have super white-capped teeth, a great tan, and oozing with friendliness, if not sexiness.

And really, we all know that their job is to screen out those people who intend to enter and never return. Boiled down to the basics, they practice a legalized form of discrimination. They discriminate on the basis of looks, economic appearance, what your name sounds like, your probable religious affiliation, how long your beard is, or whatever else might be the inane criteria for the day.

So my suggestion America is, can you please make sure that your agents go to basic fashion and glamour school? I mean, just because American border guards are fashion-challenged and can't tell cotton from polyester, doesn't mean we the travelers have to bear the brunt of their ignorance.

For example, to save on my travel time, can I just ostentatiously display all the labels I own and make my outfit my check-through passport? The immigration agent's eyes can just track me from head down to foot (Note to self: make sure to wear decent shoes, clean jeans, well-fitting polo, and great blazer), and upon registering that I'm such a stylish person, they can just say, "Step right through, mister. And by the way, that's such a great velvet jacket - where ever did you get it?"

To which I'll reply in my most jaded-traveler's voice: "Oh it's an up-and-coming fashion brand in Hong Kong - not too many people know about it yet." (Read- start-up company with grand total of 2 outlets, location limited to the Kowloon sidewalk).

See how tourist-friendly that encounter was? And it wouldn't hurt if I got a phone number in the process, too.

And before we even line up, maybe us travelers can have a welcome anteroom where we can make ourselves decent. Nothing fancy, just enough for a shower and shave, maybe a small snack bar by the side, so we can refresh ourselves and show our best faces.

I mean, these are tips with maybe not a lot of common sense, but you do get my point, don't you? Just be nice. And in the end, that's basically what has to go into the Blueprint of America. It's not about the number of days to get a visa or the minutes it takes before a traveler faces an agent - it's really remembering that there are basic rules of decency for treating others.

America needs to keep reminding itself that it needs the rest of the world - arrogance just won't cut it.