Dirty linen

I’m not much for surfing the Internet or emails, but on lazy days it does provide for entertainment, connection, and once in a while some piece of gem, serious, or otherwise.

I recently received one that appropriately reminds us that being part of a community certainly ensures that someone will always know us for who we really are.

We may all strive for greatness, glory, or some measure of success. But at the end of the day, all that achievement ultimately pales in comparison to our private lives.

We learn soon enough that in the unforgiving world, our past sins, our lost loves, and our failed dreams will come back to haunt us. That unlike other countries where "it MAY be used against us, out here, IT WILL be used against us in the court of public opinion, and most certainly by someone more twisted, more sinful and unforgiving.

I submit to you this email which should be a chilling reminder to all our public officials and personalities:

Lawyers should never ask a Mexican grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer…

During a trial in a small town in south Texas, the prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly Mexican abuelita to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Señora Sanchez, do you know me? She responded, "Si, I know you Mr. Williams. I know you since you were a mocoso chorriado, and frankly you’ve been a big disappointment to me, to your family and to your community. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people, and you think you’re a big shot when you are nada, pura basura. Yes, I know you baboso."

The lawyer was stunned, not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, Mrs. sanchez, "Do you know the defense attorney?" Again she replied, "Claro que si. I’ve known Mr. Rodriguez since he was a mocoso travieso too. He’s a lazy puto, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t keep a normal relationship with nobody, and he is the most pendejo lawyer in the state. And not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different putas. One of them was your wife! You remember? I know Mr. Rodriguez; his mama is not proud of him tambien."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge then asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you cabrones ask her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair."

After you’ve recovered from what I hope was near fatal laughter, ask yourself …did it remind you of any one …besides yourself?

Before you start promoting and campaigning for your candidates in the next election, why not consult the local grandmas what they think of your choice.

* * *

Former President Joseph Estrada probably hates me by now.

For some strange reason, the last two times I called President Estrada to tell him I’ll pay him a visit, the PNP declared the Tanay residence off limits to visitors.

Twice the PNP declared there was a security risk. On the last occasion they even categorically cited a DEATH THREAT.

I personally suspect that the whole thing was nothing more than a miscommunication on the part of tsismosos inside the Tanay penitentiary. There are only two possible scenarios that could have led to the alleged death threat on ERAP.

Either someone threatened to kill Erap in a fit of jealousy or the spies who illegally WIRETAP Erap’s phone misheard one of the conversations. What we suspect is that the eavesdropper misheard DEBT THREAT as Death threat.

With the campaign practically in full blast, Erap must have been warned that there was an impending Debt threat on his personal finances. With so many people wanting to solicit campaign funds as well as having a "Photo Op" for posters, just feeding all this visitors would certainly be a threat that could put Erap in debt.

So if Erap would only look for the silver lining in the wondrous web of deceit that Malacañang weaves, Erap might have reason to thank his enemies for saving him millions of pesos in campaign solicitations.

Perhaps God is actually giving Erap a break.

Had his beloved son JV who was in the TOP 10 senatoriables survey gone ahead with plans for the Senate, it would have cost them no less than P50 to P100 million in campaign and election costs.

Instead his critics helped fashion a political PR coup while saving him a lot of money.

I remember in the old days when Erap and I used to have weekly Bible studies in Tanay. I counseled him to keep his peace and let God take care of things.

In the months that followed, Erap’s ratings became even higher than his critics. That was when he crafted the statement: "mabuti pa pala ako, nagpapakain lang ng pato, tumataas pa rating ko" (It seems I’m better off. I may be feeding ducks but my approval ratings still go up).

Rather than throw away millions of pesos in a campaign protest they could never win, I suggested to Erap to put his money to better use like helping the Masa he loves. That led to him launching "Rebolusyon Kontra Gutom."

Now he gives away hybrid seeds, he gives away pigs, etc to help people fight hunger and poverty.

Makes me wonder what will be the result now that he’s feeding people instead of just ducks!

Going back to the Erap death threat it makes Malacañang and the PNP look and sound like a bunch of Quacks.

When I confronted a cabinet member who kept promoting his masquerade called "reconciliation", about the real reason for keeping Erap Incommunicado the first time around, the Defender of the faith whined about the verbal attacks made by Jinggoy, Loi, and JV Ejercito.

It had nothing to do with death threats, Malacañang simply had reason to feel threatened. This time around would it be safe to say that after all the economic "improvements", the solid Republic still quakes with Bigote’s charms?

Judging from the statements and comparisons GMA made while holding court in front of members of the Philippine Chamber of Commerce and Industry, it seems that in spite of her achievements GMA remains hounded or chooses to be petty and ties herself to her political prisoner named ERAP.

Her unchristian manner of making comparisons merely reminded many of the fact that the ERAP administration for all its sins failed to perform because of a conspiracy hatched by people in government and especially in the business sector.

GMA should take to heart a few lines from Desiderata:

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are a vexation to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Frankly, I’d be careful if I were ERAP. If they ever find a duck with bird flu in the Pasig River they might accuse him of attempted murder with a deadly Poultry.