There's something inside Mary

It was real exciting to hear the news that Mary Cheney, daughter of US Vice President Dick Cheney, is pregnant.

One might think, "What's the big deal? It's just another pregnant woman, albeit with a famous father. Who cares?"

Well, for those in the know, it's a real big deal, especially since first, Mary is not married, and second, the daughter of Dick did not exactly require his namesake to conceive. Oh, I'm not saying Mary experienced some sort of Immaculate Conception and is now expecting Jesus. It's just that, well, how do I say this with extreme tact and delicacy. Hmm. Let me try.

It's that, Mary's a lesbian, and she got herself a sperm donor so she could fertilize her eggs and produce a bump in her belly.

That's right. Mary Cheney has a lesbian partner, Heather Poe (presumably no relation to Andy or Fernando), and the coosome twosome have decided to co-parent. Thus, to the delight of the Democrats and to the (in all probability) horror and revulsion of the Republicans, and with the help of modern fertilizing techniques rendering a physical and horizontal grunt and shove match entirely unnecessary, a pregnant Mary is at hand.

The much-criticized Mary, who was lambasted as a hypocrite for campaigning for her father at the same time as his running mate, the lame-duck George, Jr., was ranting against same sex marriage, has obviously made her peace with her sexuality. She is now an out-and-out lesbian, has left her dad's office, gone to work for a private company (AOL), and has even gone on record as hoping that U.S. federal laws catch up with her reality (which is that she's in what she considers a marriage with Heather.)

Considering she's where she at now, it should be easy for her to exert pressure on the president to stop attacking gay marriages. See, like Mother Mary who intercedes for all those who pray to her and lets them get into heaven, Mary Cheney has access. All she has to do is bully her father and bug her father's sidekick. Camp outside their respective offices and make a nuisance of herself. She can lobby.

More than that, Mary is extremely newsworthy. If she chooses to, everything she says or does can be picked up and distributed worldwide. It's like the old Mary making an appearance in Lourdes to some French kids - all this new Mary has to do is let herself be the vessel for the miracle.

But thus far, however, Mary, along with her fetus, refuses to be drawn into the debate. She has said, in an apparent attempt to deflect people like yours truly from capitalizing on her pregnancy, that she is not to be used. The relevant gospel from Mary is: "This is a blessing from God. It is not a political statement. It is not a prop to be used in a debate by people on either side of an issue. It is my child."

Too bad. Such a waste of political capital.

This will be the sixth grandchild for the Vice President. Surprisingly, Dick Cheney has said, in a CNN interview, that he welcomes and is looking forward to the baby, which is something totally not to be expected from a Republican in his lofty position. Already a miracle there, I guess. Hopefully, this will lead to more tolerance from the general population, although lots of far-right Christian organizations have already slammed Mary for her "unconscionable" conduct. Maybe their next target will be Dick, for being so soft.

In the front pages this week - President Arroyo's first grandson has just been born. She must be ecstatic. I wonder what her reaction will be if her grandson is gay? Will we observe the same loving reaction that the US vice president is showing his grandchild, the bastard offspring of his unwed gay daughter? Or will she go ballistic in her usual fire and brimstone manner? Will her grandson's lover be allowed to survive? Or will the lover come out on television and expose their relationship, suddenly disappear, and surface a month later with story totally recanted? (Oh, that's another president I'm referring to).

Sounds like a plot for a telenovela. But then again, this is the Philippines, where everything is possible. I mean, we can't just let the US hog all the cheesy ones, can we?