To impose unreasonable expectations or make comparisons upon those left with the burden would be most unkind and unjust. I say this not for myself, since at 50 years of age I honestly have more important concerns in life than to be concerned with how I compare to others.
Besides, at 50 you should be familiar with the literary piece "Desiderata" that warns us: "If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."
Today’s column is more of a response as well as reflection on the questions people raised during the whole time that Max Soliven lay in state.
Questions like, who will get his column space? Who will take his place? Should it be a man as well or should it be a lady? Will they be as influential? What about the Tuesday Club? Who will be the next Chairman of the Philippine STAR or the Tuesday Club? The Old Guards are gone. What will the Philippine STAR do?
In addition to the response and reflection, it’s also giving voice to the many sons and daughters, second-in-command, wives and similarly situated who are left behind to carry on, to keep the fire burning, the payroll running, or preserve the family name, fame and tradition.
To begin with, now may be the right time for people to reflect on our sense of propriety. Not a few people have begun to ask why wakes in the Philippines have begun to look more like cocktail parties.
The last time I saw a real wake was true to form complete with mourners and all, was at the wake of Ninoy Aquino. Since then things have seriously gone down hill.
It started with complete coverage, updates, and flash reports on arrival of the current President or VIPs paying last respects.
Next thing we knew, wakes suddenly had caterers.
First it was just "empanaditas", sandwiches, coffee, or candies. Nowadays it’s usually a choice between Dim sum or western finger foods, coffee or tea, bottled water or cola.
In the slightly "decadent" circles you can get beer, red wine, or cognac.
Whether out of sentiment, dying wish, or last minute expressions of love, you even get to watch or listen to musical trios, chorales, or view sentimental documentaries.
And while the orphans and widow sit exhausted in an ante room wondering about a future now stamped with sure loneliness, some of the guests are busy speculating on questions similar to what I wrote earlier.
A few who need to be sent to re-education camps for sensitivity training are mindlessly exchanging business cards and transacting deals like they were in their regular watering hole or product launch.
This piece however is not about wakes, it’s really about succession and expectations.
When a leader dies, passes away, retires, or simply walks out of the building, one presumes that we first mourn HIS DEPARTURE and OUR LOSS.
Whether it’s a veteran journalist or young TV reporter new at being a Mom, we somehow lost people significant to their family and to ourselves. We don’t just COPE and senselessly shrug it off as part of life, WE MUST MOURN or we devalue those lives and ours as well.
Perhaps one way to national healing is by giving the same efforts we give to celebrity wakes and actually go through a half a day ceremony for nationwide observance of mourning every time hundreds if not thousands of Filipinos die in mudslides, terrorist bombings of ferry boats, or super typhoons.
Only when we are down with mourning should we even ask about what next. TOMORROW will come uninvited.
When people ask me questions on succession, I answer with another question. To what predetermined purpose is the choice of leadership based on?
Most people want a leader without really deciding what they want first, and then deciding what kind of leadership skills or talents would best fit the purpose and the role.
If we as a group cannot agree on what we want or what is good for us, how can we agree on how to achieve what is good and who should lead us to achieve that good?
Much like the Cha-cha train of Joe de Venecia, we ram our opinions on others. Fight for what "WE" want, or cling to the FAMILIAR even though we buried or cremated them all in the last 20 years.
The strange thing was, the very people who were concerned about continuity, succession, or the "future", rarely knew the history, the purpose, reason or real role of the organizations and the people who died on the job.
They are more concerned about keeping things going.
They automatically processed succession based on "Rights" or "Responsibility" as in "it’s expected of you" or "you owe it to the public".
Where the successor is both willing and able . . . Thank God!
Where the successor is imposed such a false burden . . . God help them!
Suddenly people who would not give you the time of day or know you from Adam, impose upon you a responsibility that if done well would serve THEIR interests.
When the main man was alive, YOU were nothing more than a wall flower, a side kick, or glorified second. When the leader croaks, they scramble about without a tinge of guilt, flawlessly realigning and determining who would best fit their agenda and not the predetermined good for all concerned, specially the Would-be-King.
As a general question, whatever happened to purpose, structure (which effectively sets a system of succession), competence, and process?
For a nation so in-tune with the latest guru’s management and leadership, I wonder how much we have really learned and practiced rather than talk about, pretending to be smart?
We all talk about transition but have yet to make prior arrangements for our funeral or estates. So many people I know are going to leave behind lots of property and stuff that people will certainly drew blood and ruin families for!
How much have we helped in mentoring those who would ultimately have to carry a burden or play a reluctant role?
Or are you one of those volunteer assassins who endlessly compare the new CEO to the former, long dead and departed CEO. Are you one to compare the achievements of a FOUNDING Father to the unsure beginnings of a son thrust upon a position he was never given much chance to learn or manage for that matter?
In a country where opinions are passionately expressed hardest by the uneducated and unemployed, with the same intensity as the elitist two percent of Manila’s rich and famous, it is easy to fight for what we believe.
But simply because we believe, does not make us correct nor right about leadership.
Standards cannot be based on mere expectations, but must also consider circumstance, qualification, and more importantly, WHAT WE GIVE IN SUPPORT AND RECOGNITION, not our opinionated critique.
Whether a person meets up to a standard or chooses to walk away, we must all try to understand may be even find out why. I use to be critical of a guy who everyone said was a far cry from his charming leader-father. One day I found out his father gave more time to his employees, than to his kids. Apparently, the son grew up with no deep appreciation for a company that got more attention than he did.
This led me to write a personal rule that I have yet to learn by heart: Do not judge a life you have not lived.
Finally, WE TOO MUST DO THE WORK.
If we want leaders we must allow them not only to lead but willingly offer ourselves to be led.
If we want a new generation of Max Solivens, not only should they inspire or encourage us, we should give them the very thing we desire.
We must be gracious in our compliment, well meaning in our correction, kind in our critique, generous with information, and support the organization they stand for or work with, AND honest about what is truly the common good.
And when we ask someone to take the lead, never ask him to do something you yourself are not willing to do.