Dead ma

The moment I stepped on Cebuano grounds, my colleague, Dr. Fraser, told me to stash a mini self-defense weapon inside my mini purse whenever I go out because the President scrapped the death penalty. I wonder if this calls for a Pro-Life or a Run-For-Your-Life celebration.

* * *

Conversation over a cuppa tea with my mom goes:

Mad: So what are you up to these days?

Mom: Just getting old and waiting to die.

Mad: Huh? You just turned sixty and you're in death row?

Mom: There's no purpose left in my life.

Mad: Hey, if you're still awake and breathing everyday, there must be a purpose and it's up to you to figure it out. We're in this world to experience what life is about and every purpose supports other purposes. We're all interconnected.

Mom: It's useless to find out my purpose at this age because I've lived my life.

Mad: If you have that attitude about life, then you're as good as dead. Why not kill yourself and save the misery of waiting to die? C'mon, people are dying to live.

Mom: (starts sobbing) No one appreciates and respects me around here.

Mad: Have some tea before it cools off. Appreciate your life. Most importantly, appreciate yourself.

* * *

There are a lot of living-deads amongst us, all waiting or wanting to die. I was once a living-dead belonging in the "wanting to die" category. It took me almost a bottle of painkillers to bring back my floating spirit as I woke up asking myself if it's really worth killing me over other people's misery. With the constant harassment I was exposed to, there was no difference living at home or being in jail. It was hell.

When you're staring at death in the face, there is nothing to be afraid of. It's the unknown that makes people fear death. Everyday, when we go to sleep, we die. That is why when we let go of our old self; we wake up refreshed, just like a rebirth. Most Hindus or Buddhists practice conscious dying, preparing their exit from the physical state to the spiritual state, with preparations tantamount to a wedding day. Remember Tuesdays With Morrie? There is nothing more exciting than to know when our "death day" is. It calls for a celebration, just as we celebrate our birthdays. After all, death is life lived.

* * *

Enron Corporation founder Kenneth Lay recently died of heart attack while vacationing in Colorado, after being convicted more than a month ago of fraud and conspiracy for lying to employees and investors about Enron's financial health. Lay told his church minister he was at peace with his future, even if it included prison and he bore no ill will toward jurors who convicted him. Let's look at it as Lay being sentenced to another "life".

Offenders who are in life sentence often get another chance in life. This reminds me of my favorite movie, The Shawshank Redemption. There was this convict whose term is almost up and one day he tried to kill a fellow prisoner so that he can still stay in jail. It's been a long time since he saw the world and the thought of being free at last made him afraid to go out on his own because he had forgotten his life's purpose and dreams. We can get caught up with everyday routine and forget where we're headed to.

Have you always lived in the past based on blame? Or set your sights in the future saying that day will come? What are you doing now?

Whenever I come across people who are living-deads, I just observe them. Dead-ma nalang ko.

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