Dirty old men also need love

I recently revived an old interest I picked up while waiting for overly busy bosses who make you wait for hours. If you ever find yourself in the room of "The Chairman", "The President", taipan, tycoon, typhoon or raccoon, go ahead and scan the room.

You have before you a unique opportunity to see what he or she aspires for, what they’ve achieved, what their inner circle want for them, who they love, who they’ve failed, and in not very visible nooks and crannies…what they really want to be and what they’re really scared of.

We tend to treat plaques, photos, awards and clippings as mere space fillers, decor or trophies. "Stuff" necessary to give a sense of professionalism, speak of power, or plain certificates for bragging rights. For doctors they need it just in case a senior citizen asks if they really went to med school.

Like the hunter-gatherers of old, it’s not enough to take down the prey or bring home the bacon. We need our trophies, the soul of our enemies, the power of our prey, the proof of the hunt, the fish that did not get away.

But they are as much a reminder of the difficulty, the effort, the fear, the doubt, even of near death and near misses. A reminder of those left at home exposed to other risks, other dangers, making equally difficult sacrifices while the hunter hunts.

For a few the photos of the wife and family are a necessary reminder that they have a house, a home and a family. For some it’s that added accessory that tells the world you are responsible, loving, and a provider. For some, you’ve just become a potential target for a home wrecker.

In one such room I read a plaque placed almost on the bottom shelf, it read "Change or perish." I wondered if it was the secretary or janitor who positioned this crucial message to their boss at the bottom shelf. Why not?! The most resistant to change is one’s inner circle. God knows he might read it and be inspired to change his secretary, driver, janitor, or even "change" himself.

Back when I.T. and computers were the domain of rocket scientists, I saw the mini poster that said: "You don’t have to be crazy to work here but it helps".

It certainly did, considering the folks in the room had to analyze tapes and computer cards. Do back breaking work for the government when they could all be in the US. Thanks to them, the Social Security System has a computerized system today.

I just now realized that the space above the light switch on your way out is a favorite spot for bosses who have something to say.

They usually hang a clipping or a framed page, an article that has profound meaning in their life or often a fearful reminder of what not to do.

On one such wall, hangs a framed page from an early 1900s book on life in the Philippines. The writer goes:

"In the Philippines, the first generation is hard at work amassing wealth in back breaking fashion; the second generation desperately attempts to preserve the family wealth; the third generation squanders it all."

The business leader who displays the framed page represents the first generation who started with nothing and broke his back to get where he is now, but unlike the landlords of old, he now spends time mentoring and monitoring his children, making them run multi-million dollar companies all before 30 years of age. His great fear perhaps is posted by the door.

Highlighted and located in a similar spot is a newspaper clipping displayed in the mini conference room of another CEO.

It’s a quote from Mr. Lucio Tan who tells about a Chinese proverb: "A snake does not swallow an elephant."

I wondered why the CEO I was visiting had this on the wall. In reflection I realized he was part of an organization that had been guilty of biting more than they could chew. When it became corporately fashionable his group entered businesses that was not their core competence so they won some, lost some. Actually lost more!

Stuff on the desk also speaks tons: "If one listens with the eyes". Taped on the corner of a very used computer screen was a Biblical quote: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God."

Having known the person, I understood his battles with priorities, integrity, and fighting off the temptation to take the easy way out. Never publicly religious even to his family, he constantly needed to remind himself of his true love which was to read Scriptures and talking to God like the boy he was half a century ago.

Sometimes paper weights represent burdens, guilt, and a heart’s cry. I noticed an unusually large one carved out with the message: "Even dirty old men need love."

Initially I thought of it as flippant, some smart ass justification for marital failure. A humorous self-confession designed to solicit sympathy.

But why would a powerful man even make such a concession? Even worse a confession of weakness? In a world affected by image and impression, it bordered on pathetic and it was there on his table for the world to see.

But I realized in time that he actually made a courageous statement, yes it was a confession, but it was also an appeal.

That in spite of his failure he also needed love, not from some woman he was having his fling with to stroke his ego, but from those he truly loved, those who truly mattered. His wife, his sons, his daughters, as well as his friends. The real friends who left because they were pushed out instead of standing their ground.

That paper weight may well have been a rock with a rope tied around all our necks because its flippant message was a cry for help.

I have my own paper weights. One inherited from my Dad Louie Beltran, and another one I left behind on a trip to Hong Kong. I couldn’t afford it but I never forgot it. Both are made of clear glass. One fashioned like a piece of rock. Inscribed on it is the message:

"What you dare to dream, dare to do". I have.

The one I left behind is specially poignant. It’s a glass carving of a whale above water. Inside the belly of the whale, calmly sitting as if in prayer and meditation, the prophet Jonah.

Everybody should have one on their table. It’s a great reminder that if the world swallows you up, places you in a dark, stinking belly, when all you want to do is to runaway from the responsibility, when you just want to be left alone. You could do what Jonah did.

He gave God a call, he negotiated, made the deal . . . and then he took a bath.