Try putting your hands in your pocket, then bite your nails

I was thinking what to write for today's issue when a letter from Invicto C. Alcantara of Dalaguete, Cebu came. Attached to his letter was a list of puns, clinchers, etc. Let me share with you the contributions of Mr. Alcantara. Here.

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The Associated Press reporter described Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian: "During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."

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There's a new cigarette called "Statistic." A couple of packs a day and your number is up.

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"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated father, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But my son has his own color TV, phone, computer and CD player."

"So what do you do?" asked his friend.

"I send him to my room!"

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Rahul Tongia's father is a successful cardiologist, but his busy practice and long hours left her mother with a lot of spare time. So she decided to become a substitute teacher.

At he end of her first month on the job, she bought Rahul's father a new watch. "Honey, I just spend my whole month's salary on a gift for you," she said. "It's now your turn to do the same."

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Did your hear about the guy who is both a taxidermist and a veterinarian? He has a sign on his door that says: "Either way, you get your dog back."

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To Mr. Invicto Alcantara: Thank you for writing. And thanks, too, for sending along some humorous items some of which, as you can see, I have used. Please continue reading The Freeman (which you said you've been reading for years). Try to get acquainted with TF's sister, Banat News, too. You'll also find it worth reading for years.