Polyslut

Tom Hanks is producing a TV series about polygamy. HBO has reportedly agreed to air it, giving the go-signal for ten episodes. Come March, the show, called "Big Love," will be available for public viewing - at least in the U.S.

The show's supposed to be comedic, although the Mormons aren't laughing - according to this church, their elders banned the practice of polygamy more than a hundred years ago, and any church member who practices it is punished with excommunication.

You would have thought that with this dire threat, the members of the Mormon Church would have immediately obeyed and ceased thinking polygamic thoughts entirely. My impression of Mormons is that they're earnest people who are devout and well behaved. At least, that's what I think when I see them walking around and speaking in the local dialect. (I'm sure they secretly enjoy impressing Cebuanos when they open their mouth and perfect Cebuano comes out. Just they wait - if they ever have the bad luck of speaking to me, I'll stun them back by retorting in Tagalog).

I wonder how the Mormons tried to implement the ban on polygamy. Maybe, they issued an edict saying - all existing members can keep their wives, but those who have yet to marry can marry only one? Bit unfair for the young 'uns, that. Or was it implemented on a staggered basis - husbands have one year to choose from their existing wives, and to divorce those who don't make the cut?

In any case - guess what. Turns out some members weren't so devout - they broke away and formed a splinter group called the "Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints," or something like that. I guess they bring a new meaning to the term 'fundamentalists.' In any case, the New York Times reports that there are around 30,000 practicing Mormonic polygamists in America (or was it just in Utah? My long-term memory is getting to be real bad).

Anyway, the not so fundamental Mormons (shall we call them mainstream?) are upset. They're afraid that 'Big Love' might portray Mormons in a bad light. They've asked HBO to include a disclaimer that the show really isn't about them. HBO has apparently agreed- and so I would think that solves their problem. Of course, it won't do anything to allay the fears of other religions - which is that the show will depict polygamy in a good light.

So, I can predict that when the show airs, the centuries-old debate about polygamy will be revived. Priests will squawk. Liberalists will quack. Anybody who thinks he's somebody (and who is trying desperately to beat a writing deadline) will weigh in with his judiciously considered thoughts on the matter - which is why I won't bother forwarding my shallow musings about the relative merits of having many wives. (Not that I'm saying I can judiciously consider thoughts. Most of the time I only judiciously consider my wardrobe.)

Speaking of shallow musings - I wonder how come it can't be the other way around - instead of a man keeping many wives, why can't a woman just keep many husbands? (I could make out a case of sexism within polygamy right there).

So, if I were the fundamentalists, that's how I'd try to cobble support for polygamy. I'd approach the feminists and tell them that the new official stance of the religion is that each member, whether male or female, can marry as many husbands or wives that they want. With the offer of equal treatment, maybe the feminist organizations can come within the fold. Then, they can do the same thing with the gay and bisexual activists. The official mantra will be - "We are family."

I think I wouldn't mind sharing a partner - then I don't have to worry about keeping my partner happy all the time. Let the other boy-sluts in the marriage do the housework and win the bread - I'll take care of other, more important things that could seriously affect our marriage and ensure its sustainability, and really make it work. You know, like my wardrobe.