Readers’ response: On parenting and faith

(Part 3 of a series on Readers responses since 2003)

Here are more email messages I received in 2004, this time focusing on parenting issues. The letter of Ma. Kristina "Tintin" C. Gregorio struck me because it is a story of strong faith from childhood to maturity of a talented lady.

‘A Journey From Fate To FAITH’

From Tintin Gregorio - I have been asthmatic since birth. It is in the genes — my parents and siblings have it. But my asthmatic attacks were different. Aside from breathing difficulty, wheezing and coughing, my lips turned grayish blue and my eyelids drooped frequently. Asthmatic drugs like Ventolin, Bricanyl, and Zadec do not work for me. Unfortunately for me, the Nebulizer had not been developed yet. I always ended up at the emergency rooms of either the UP Health Service or the Children’s Medical Center (formerly Lungsod ng Kabataan). For many years, my pediatrician had been compelled to use steroids as medication for my illness. Not surprisingly, steroids caused my face to bloat and look chubby.

When my uncle, the late Emigdio "Medy" Gregorio (former hospital administrator of the Children’s Hospital, now renamed the Fe Del Mundo Medical Center) learned about my never-ending bouts with asthma, he immediately referred me to Dr. Miguel Noche Jr. of UST, whom he described as the "Best Pediatrician-Allergist".

Dr. Noche immediately halted all previous medications and requested for a series of allergy tests, which revealed that I am allergic to dust, dust mites, pollen, shrimp and fish without scales including tuna and mackerel. Soon after, I had to undergo asthma-immuno-therapy that consisted of weekly injections to make the body immune to allergens. The therapy lasted for two years, and it has been 12 years since I had any major attacks. (I will be 29 in January!)

Osteoporosis — A Bone Ailment Not Only Of Older Women

At age 21, excruciating back pain prevented me from doing a lot of physical activities and gave me sleepless nights even with high-dose of pain-reliever. Initially, I was diagnosed to have Osteoporosis. My parents decided to bring me to America for treatment and the doctors there couldn’t believe that a young lady who had just gotten out of her teens has already Osteoporosis.

At age 26, I began experiencing dual-vision but I thought that I was just tired. But days later, I couldn’t get out of bed, the ceilings and walls were spinning as if I were on a roller coaster ride at the Magic Mountain. So alarmed, I immediately went to the clinic of renowned Otolaryngologist, Dr. Charlotte Chiong. After going through some hearing tests, I was informed that I have vertigo (imbalance in the middle ear).

For months, after the first attack of vertigo, I was able to work effectively as a Planning Officer at the UP’s Office of the Vice President for Planning and Finance. I was also able to do errands at home. Then, all of a sudden, the vertigo attacks became more frequent and bothersome — constipation, depression and anxiety attacks hounded me as well.

Since May 2005, I have been on sick leave without pay, leaping from one hospital to another. I had to go through a series of medical tests: from the simple blood chemistry, magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), visual fields, visual evoke response and the ever-painful spinal tap. Sadly, some of these tests had to be performed twice in order for my attending neurologist to confirm his conclusive findings. Going through all these gave me not only physical stress but emotional stress as well. It came to a point that I did not want to see any doctors anymore — I was feeling confused and emotionally drained. But, in spite of all the anxieties and apprehensions, I decided to continue with my journey in finding out what my ailment is.

Multiple Sclerosis — A Sickness With NO CURE

After months of going through different medical tests my neurologist, the brilliant Dr. Martesio Perez of UP sadly informed us that I have Multiple Sclerosis (MS) — an ailment that has NO CURE in spite of advancement in medical technology and research. Apparently, the dual-vision, vertigo, blurring of vision, hearing loss, tremors, constipation and even depression are among the symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis. But Dr. Perez assured that although MS is physically debilitating, it will NOT affect my lifespan. Flare-ups and attacks can be prevented or diminished with proper treatment, positive outlook and a stress-free attitude.

As I struggle daily to cope with the on and off symptoms of MS, I began realizing a lot of things. Firstly, I used to believe that America is the ONLY place where one can find good and competent doctors, as well as high-tech equipment. Although I have been fortunate to have the means to go to America, my body could not cope with the stressful traveling. I was just too weak so we had no choice but to seek medical treatment in Manila. Indeed, we realized that the country has some of the finest doctors in the world: Dr. Martesio Perez (and his neurologist daughter, Dr. Karla Perez), PGH Director Dr. Carmelo Alfiler, Dr. Agnes Mejia, Dr. Charlotte Chiong, Dr. Manuel Agulto, Dr. Lourdes Ignacio, Dr. Mario Festin, Dr. Paul Pasco, Dr. Cesar Perez, and Dr. Michael Tee.

I truly admire these doctors as they chose to remain in the country to share their knowledge and expertise with all of us in spite of the country’s deteriorating economy and political instability. I have been so fortunate to witness how good and competent they are not to mention the BIG hearts they all have.

The Wonder Of Boys

From Michelle Cordova, Davao City, [email protected] - I always enjoy reading your column because the information you share are both practical and adaptable to Filipino setting. I wrote to you before and asked for a complete series on "family banking" and you graciously gave in to my request. I shared your article with my sisters, and they too shared it with their friends.

I have adapted the "Good Citizen Chart" for my seven-year old son who has been asking for a cellphone since Christmas. My husband and I together with our son Rico agreed to make a "Responsibility Chart" to gauge if he is responsible enough to own one. In a way, it is also teaching financial skills to him because we told him that a cellphone is expensive and he has to "work" his way to get his goal. I am proud to say that I learned that from you. I look at your articles as some sort of a "continuing education" for mothers like me, not that there is a school for mothers or anything.

Early January 2005, I chanced upon your article, "Making Our Boys Men", part 5 of a series on The Wonder of Boys. May I request for the complete series, if possible. My husband is very interested in your topic and I am sure that my sisters and brothers-in-law would also find it very informative.

From Joanne Lagdameo, joannelag@yahoo. com - I am writing in behalf of my sister who has been following the series, "The Wonder of Boys". Unfortunately, she missed out on the first two series. She is a single mother of an eleven-year old boy. It is a difficult task for someone to raise a child, much more raising a happy, responsible, honest, God-fearing gentleman. What makes it extra difficult is that we grew up in the company of women!

We are five girls in the family, six including my mom. My dad, although a minority, gave us the feeling of trepidation while growing up. Well, it was not so bad. He loved us… and our family is complete… to me that was all that mattered. But now, that I am in my 30s, I feel that our father still treats us like we are children. He is so comfortable at expressing his disappointments in us, even in front of others. We wouldn’t want to treat our children this way. Your column is a great guide.

Skills To Help Us Listen To Our Teenagers

From Sharmaine Galve, [email protected] - I want to tell you how inspiring that piece is. Teenage years is one of the greatest fears of parents. More often than not, we, one day, wake up to find grumps and rebels eating at our breakfast table in lieu of our children. If I heard correctly, it is a fact of life that nobody can avoid or prevent.

I am not a parent, but I have three wonderful nieces and nephews whom I love like my own. I love helping my sisters bring them up. I guess the keyword here is ‘listening’ — a beautiful age-old wisdom which is the solution for a lot of things. Not just with our children, but in our relationship with other people, being a leader, and even God answering our prayers. How many parent and child relationship had stood the tests of this strange world of ours because of open communication. How many lives were destroyed because we couldn’t handle that one simple act — the simplicity of LISTENING.

I will pass on these articles to my sisters and married friends to lighten their load about the impending adolescence of their children.

From Marissa Marfil, [email protected] - I am a government employee, a single parent of a five-year old daughter. I thank you for the wealth of information, which you have shared through your two-part series on Skills to Help Deal With Teenagers. Right now, I have information to prepare me on how to deal with my child when she becomes a teenager. Although, I am sure there will be surprises since kids are unique and each has his/her own individual ways of maturing.

Filipino Teenagers — The Endangered Species

From Alegria C. Lagasca, [email protected] - Your column, The Filipino Teenagers — The Endangered Species, parts 1 and 2 was really informative and helpful for parents like me. I am a mother of a 15-year old son and it is really at this stage that we parents experience some problems as they grow up from childhood to adulthood. I hope you can share with us more interesting topics on how to deal with teenagers.

Thank you very much for your reply to my reaction about your column. I did not expect a reply since I know, being an ambassador, you have a hectic schedule here and abroad. Anyway, I have been reading your helpful topic and have kept it to be shared with my friends who have problems coping up with their teenage children.

Julie Racaza, [email protected] - I read your two-part article on how to better understand teenagers. Though I still do not have children of my own, I have been collecting articles or anything that could help me become a better aunt to my nephews and nieces. This would somehow prepare me when I would have children of my own. I got married in March 2005 and we hope to have a child immediately, God willing. We are both 30 years old and I have been told that it would be hard for me to conceive and have babies. It worries me really, but I believe everything has its right time.

Anyway, I would like to ask you where I could get the books you used as references in your article. I have been buying books and magazines and reading them in my spare time.

From Dolly Lopez, [email protected] - I have been reading your articles and they have been very useful to me. I would like to get your suggestions on books, which I can read concerning teenagers, specially the "tweens". I have a 13-year old daughter and I need references which could be informative. I will get a copy of the Positive Discipline for Teenagers, which you mentioned in your article.

(The following books are available in leading bookstores — Dare to Discipline and Preparing for Adolescence by Dr. James Dobson; How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Maglish; Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World by Jane Nelsen, Ed.D.; Positive Discipline for Teenagers by Jane Nelsen, Ed.D.)

(For more information or reaction, please e-mail at [email protected] or [email protected])