The cost of discipleship

Allow me to focus on Simon Peter, for he is so much like many of us. Sincere at heart, but weak in faith. It took almost a lifetime for Peter to fully accept the cost of discipleship, but it did lead him to the triumph of discipleship.

In this same column two weeks ago, we saw Peter daring the Lord Christ: " ‘Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water! He said: ‘Come.’ Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw how strong the wind was he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Immediately Jesus stretched his hand and caught him, and said to him, ‘O you of little faith, why did you doubt?’ " (Mt. 14: 28-31).

Later on, Peter professes his faith in Christ once again. When asked who Jesus really was, Peter spontaneously answered: "You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God." And what did Jesus say in return? "You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it." (Mt. 16: 16-18).

But very soon after that, Peter failed once again. When Jesus told his disciples that he must soon go to Jerusalem, and that he would suffer greatly and be killed, but would be raised on the third day, Peter focused only on the suffering-and-death part and exclaimed: "God forbid, Lord! No such thing shall ever happen to you." (Peter must have thought: "If that happens to you, my Master, it might happen to me, your disciple!") Jesus retorted: "Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle to me. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do." (Mt. 16: 21-23).

Whereupon Jesus tells his disciples, Peter included, what is in today’s Gospel message: "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? Or what can one give in exchange for his life?" (Mt. 16: 26-27).

Peter accepts all this in principle, but he is really slow to learn. Peter’s triple denial after the arrest of Jesus was the greatest blow of all. "I do not know the man!" he claimed. This moral collapse of Peter, however, likewise served as his own wake-up call. His subsequent repentance was the beginning of his own heroic leadership in God’s service that ultimately led to his persecution and death, for the love of God and His people. The Acts of the Apostles tells it all.

Thus, there is hope for each one of us. Like Peter, we often fail to follow Christ all the way. But we cannot afford to give up, much less fall into despair – individually and as a nation. Each one of us, from the highest level of leadership to the lowest ranks of ordinary citizens – each one of us has his/her own personal cross to carry in God’s own plan. Not as a curse or punishment, but as the very means and opportunity to be with God in all eternity.

There will be times when strong temptations will come to give it all up. Jesus himself was tempted by the evil spirit. First was the temptation of easy bread. Then came the temptation of impressive witness, no less than a self-centered spiritual show. The third temptation was that of worldly power. All three are forms of shortcuts, of throwing away one’s personal cross. Christ responded with an absolute No! to each of these temptations.

Where is the real cross at this point in my life? How am I carrying it – unwillingly, begrudgingly? Or with a song in my heart? Do I really want to be bread for others? If I do, then it will certainly mean a lot of little dyings on my part. What does this mean concretely in my present life?

To live and love as Jesus did. Carrying my cross is not just for my own sake. It is equally for many, many others. Such is the power of the cross. It saves. It is the passage to new life.

The passion-death-resurrection of Jesus, as well as yours and mine. Amen.