Time out!

Most of the news these days is so disturbing and distressing that we no longer know how to laugh. In true, court-recorded depositions from the book titled Disorder in the Court, there were things people actually said which court reporters wrote down, word for word, during trials.

While the exchanges were being made, it was pure torture for the reporters to keep their composure and not break out laughing.

At the moment, a great many illogical, amusing, absurd, ridiculous and nonsensical exchanges are taking place in Congress, but it will be simpler to present some of the aforementioned court depositions which should momentarily serve as something of an antidote to the current political turmoil.

Here they are:

Q: What is your date of birth?

A; July the fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

* * *

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

* * *

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?

* * *

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

* * *

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

* * *

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo.

* * *

Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

* * *

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

* * *

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

* * *

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

* * *

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

* * *

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

* * *

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male or female?

* * *

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

* * *

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

* * *

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

* * *

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

* * *

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: How can you be sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.