Guaranteed palliatives for our chronic ills

These are daunting times. Daily, we put up with pollution, congested traffic, accidents caused by faulty brakes, illegal logging that results in floods; toxic wastes in Subic and Clark which aversely affect the residents, especially the women and children; cyanide fishing which not only poisons the fish but destroys the landmarks and scenic spots that lure the fast-dwindling tourists; bureaucratic red tape which drives away foreign investors; corruption in and out of government, the unending threat from kidnappers, robbers, rapists, drunken policemen and drug addicts lurking in the shadows, the unrest in Mindanao and Sulu. Ad infinitum.

For those who wake up depressed and go to bed even more depressed owing to the aforementioned chronic ills, the following are guaranteed palliatives:

Try reading the comics. They make everything and everyone – including politicians – appear ridiculous. For instance, in the Popeye comic strip, the sailor tells Swee’ Pea he’s doing poorly in school judging by his report card. The little boy argues: "I’d get better marks if they jes’ taught me things to help in my career. Fer one thing . . . how to make them heartfelt, ironclad pledges. An’ fer another . . . How ta ignore them heartfelt, ironclad pledges so that nobody notices!" Forthwith, Popeye asks Swee’ Pea: "Wot kinda career is ya’ thinkin’ of?" Swee’ Pea quickly replies: "I wanna run for political office!"

You might also try to drive the blues away by keeping a pet dog, if you still haven’t any pet to pet. Get a lap dog, if possible. He’s totally harmless and you’ll find his company delightful and relaxing.

You might also start collecting some of Bob Hope’s "clean" jokes – there are eight million of them! The jokes will be a wholesome, witty substitute for all the crudities and inanities you hear repeatedly over certain radio stations and television channels.

Finally, do try changing your attitude at this very moment. See the more amusing side of our country’s worrisome state. After all, God Himself must surely have a sense of humor. Just turn your gaze to Congress and see the many clowns the good Lord has created. He has even created clowns in the Senate! Aren’t certain senators heartily endorsing Da King for 2004? If ever Da King sits on Malacañang’s throne, the Philippines will doubtless merit a mention in the Guinness Book of Records as the world’s biggest joke. By the way, Senator Joker is no joke.