Lipo: Last resort of fat cops - My Viewpoint

In terms of ruthlessness, this latest directive of PNP chief Panfilo Lacson tops them all! Forget the campaign against cops using carnapped but surrendered cars. Forget the drive against kotong cops, or cops frequenting karaoke joints, or generals playing golf during office hours. General Lacson's order that the waistline limit of 34 inches now be strictly enforced for all policemen, from foot patrolmen to bemedalled generals, is the unkindest cut of all.

On April 1st this year, the dreaded countdown begins. By July 1st, PNP personnel with tummies exceeding 34 inches will be relieved of their posts and grounded. They will then have another 90 days to attain the sacred threshold. If unsightly bulges remain unyielding until October 1st, the guillotine falls! Those still caught illegally possessing waistlines in excess of 34 inches will be fired and put out to pasture, to graze to their hearts' content, but in civvies. From that date, only heroic physiques shall fill out the blue and blue-gray of the PNP uniform.

This order is not new, the threats are familiar. The predictable TV news video footage of fatso cops doing futile and clearly ineffective light exercises is old hat. But, hey, this is Ping talking now. And he is not given to empty threats. So, this time, cutesy ballroom dancing sessions and leisurely walks at the Luneta, undertaken by panting cops of excessive girth, will not suffice. Reducing the daily guzzling to three, from the customary six or more, beers won't cut it. Lechon and pulutan only on T-Th rather than daily, with extra helpings on weekends, will fall woefully short of the requisite resolve. We're talking heavy duty pumping of iron here, lung-busting runs and leg-wilting brisk walks daily, near-starvation diets, sustained tee-totalling with absolutely no cheating allowed. In other words, we need cops to quickly adopt healthy lifestyles, a task some insist is the moral equivalent of asking them to walk on water.

The problems, not to mention the waists to be worked on, are enormous. Just look at your friendly cops out there on the street. Go ahead, look! Especially those with several stripes, sunbursts or stars on their shoulders. Look too at those lawmen, often not in uniform, who ride the desks at police stations. See how the bulk and the waistlines grow exponentially as officers rise through the ranks. There are exceptions, of course, but one of the factors that may have persuaded Ping Lacson to issue his order was probably those TV news video clips of command conferences where the tubbies constantly outnumbered the svelte.

While supporting the wisdom and urgency of the new directive, not that he could say anything else, PNP Logistics head and RAM stalwart, Director Vic Batac, humbly confessed to some backsliding as he patted his 38-inch waist. He is among the luckier ones. He will probably make the July 1st deadline, since he has a mere four inches of extra blubber to melt. But many others, especially those whose waist sizes have soared to the 40's and 50's have near-impossible tasks. How do you lop off 8, 10, 12-inch slabs of lard built up over years of wild and reckless feasting and/or carousing?

The answer: You can't! Unless, of course, you starve yourself to death or exercise yourself to a fatal heart attack. Death, however, is not a viable alternative to escaping the wrath of Ping. On the other hand, you might accept defeat and get used to the idea of early retirement. You can always be a security guard, nightclub bouncer, or jueteng cabo.

Or, and this is serious advice, you can see Dr. Vicky Belo or other physicians with liposuction in their arsenal of authorized specializations. She can tell you if you've got a chance of surviving such a traumatic experience, given the stress that lipo inflicts, especially on bodies from which so much ugly and unwanted fat has to be sucked out.

For many cops, the time to make a, literally, life-and-death decision is at hand. There is no tomorrow. Nor should they expect too much sympathy from anyone, since their predicament is the result of their own indiscipline, procrastination, and unremitting addiction to irrestistible food and alluring drink. The limit of 34 inches, as far as we know, fixed and immutable.

Now that is what I call ruthless.