The classy girl’s guide to holiday etiquette
MANILA, Philippines - If you’re feeling the crush of the holidays like I am — accidentally double-booking dinners, scrambling for last-minute gifts, wondering if you have appropriately festive outfits, and cramming in the last bit of work before the Christmas lull sweeps the city, it’s easy to get caught up in the seasonal blitzkrieg and become a big old mess. But you are not a big old mess. Neither am I. We are classy girls who are going to take on the holidays with style, ease and the good breeding that our mothers taught us. Unless we have one too many glasses of champers, but that’s another article altogether. Here’s a secret: I haven’t sent out a single Christmas present except one. This article. For you, my friends, I bequeath the non-definitive and totally unofficial Classy Girl’s Guide to Holiday Etiquette.
Festive frocking
I know that it’s Christmas, but it’s not an excuse to get too crazy with your ensembles and end up looking like a Christmas tree. The most vital rule in getting dressed is being appropriate. Choose decently chic outfits for family gatherings, ensembles with acceptable necklines and hemlines for office parties (whatever the theme), and save the all-out fight outfits for holiday fêtes with friends. That said, it is the season, so have fun, slip that sable out from under the tree, and enjoy in high style.
Family reunions
Always seek out the head of the family first. Naturally, you must greet all the titos, titas and other relatives along the way, but do make sure you pay your respects to the family patriarch and/or matriarch before you engage in chatter with your cousins on who is jetting off where for New Year’s Eve or before they ask you about that amazing dress you have on. Try to be up to date with everyone. There’s nothing more annoying than being that one relative who asks the same questions every year like, “So, what are you majoring in?” to a cousin who is 25. Please be cognizant. If they haven’t graduated yet, you probably shouldn’t even bring up academia. And if they have had their commencement, you look like an a-hole. Whatever anyone says, family is everything. With everyone’s busy schedules, we’re lucky to have the holidays to get together, so do try to make the most of it and be that relative who everyone knows sincerely cares about their lives.
Holiday Fetes
Most importantly, and I cannot stress this enough, do not forget to RSVP, particularly for dinners. If your invitation is just for you and you would like to bring a guest, it is proper to ask your host if you may bring a plus one. Usually, hosts are happy to comply. There’s just nothing worse than showing up to a party with half the village. Thinking of sauntering into a friend’s holiday party without a gift for the host or hostess? Get back in your car. Someone has taken the time, effort and care to lay out a lovely engagement for their loved ones — you being one of them — and you absolutely must provide something more than your witty banter and fabulous presence. Depending on your host, the least you can manage is a bottle of wine or bubbly, a custom flower arrangement (Fiori di M and Mabolo are my favorites), gourmet chocolate or perhaps one of those trendy artisanal foods (hey, you can partake of these during the party as well). Seek out your host first and thank him/her for the invitation, regardless of whether this is your best friend or your boss. After this, you are free to mingle to your heart’s content and even get seasonally sloshed. If there is a seating arrangement, don’t switch name cards around. They are there for a reason. Adhere to the requests of your host on whether couples are to be seated together or mixed with other guests. On your way out, thank the host graciously for a wonderful evening before you walk out the door. Remember, the best attitude is gratitiude!
Food
I don’t think that a whole chapter of Miss Manners is necessary at this point, but let’s cover the basics because we all get excited when there’s beautiful porchetta on the table. You must already know that the soup spoon goes outward before you tip the side facing you into your mouth. Just like Leo dining first class on the Titanic, work your way in from the outer ends of the flatware with each course. Slice one piece of food (with your knife, not your spoon) and consume it before you endeavor to cut up the rest of your food. If you want to reach for that charcuterie platter down the table from you, ask someone close to you to pass it down and do not reach across the table for it. That’s what friends are for. Always, always, say something to compliment the food even if the meat was dry or the pasta was kind of bland. It’s just the polite thing to do. Also, don’t forget to hit up Barre3, Plana Forma, or one of those CrossFit classes after. That part wasn’t etiquette — just general life advice. Gotta keep it classy and work off that lechon so you can have more. Just look at your calendar. You have a dinner every night from now until the 31st, don’t you?
Gifting
Current trends in gifting mostly revolve around monogram and artisanal food these days, at least by my observation. Both can be inexpensive or pricey, so use your own discretion. However, I will say that there is something particularly wonderful about unwrapping a monogrammed acrylic tray or cheese board. It makes someone feel like you really thought about them and didn’t buy 20 of the same thing to send out to 20 of the same “category” of people in your life. We would all lose our minds (and budgets) if we did personalized gifts for everyone, so for more general gifts, Manila’s fine food connoisseurs offers a host of delectable and prettily packaged artisanal foods like Desserts du Jour’s Brownie Bites or Casa San Luis Pastries’ Salted Caramel jars. If you prefer something savory, gift Justin Golangco’s Bone Marrow Bread Pudding or Trish Panlilio’s Crab Fat Paella with Roasted Chicharron Crumbles. Other chic gifts include custom flower arrangements, fancy candles, bottles of whiskey, or monogrammed cigar boxes. If you have a particular product you love, like how I purchased the organic Davines Oi Oil for my recently balayaged hair, gift it to a friend who you know gets her color done. It smells divine like a spa and is so much more personal than a spa certificate. The most important part of gifting is the personalized card (which, if you haven’t already had customized with your name or initials — you should). Let your friends and loved ones know how much they mean to you in sincere, handwritten notes to round out the year with genuine well wishes and lots of love. Don’t even think about a Hallmark card.
Holiday rush
Grinching around in traffic that couldn’t go any slower and being elbow to elbow at the mall benefits nobody. There will be horns blaring, people who push past you without a word, doors swinging back in your face as you clatter back in your Louboutins, but you just have to be bigger than that because you are a class act. If you’re being driven around, snooze in the car before you get to your next errand. If you’re driving yourself, turn up some Taylor Swift, the soundtrack of The Great Gatsby, or my personal favorite, Thich Nhat Hanh’s “The Great Bell Chant” and shut out the ugly symphony of horns in the safe confines of your car. There’s no need to add to the incessant beeping and cutting off of other vehicles or motorists, which could lead to even a minor accident that will mar the rest of your fabulous holiday plans. Hold open doors, remember to say “thank you” when people do it for you, and karma assures us that it will come back. I think we can all agree that we could do with that last bit of good juju as the year comes to an end. Wonder if that carries over to 2015?
Enemies
Even the warmest and fuzziest of seasons has its drawbacks. Numerous social functions mean that we get to see our nearest and dearest, but it also necessitates that we come face to face with our enemies (unless you are Mother Teresa, and in that case, congratulations on being a self-actualized human being). Don’t send your impossibly polished posse out to battle on your behalf. Don’t waste your valuable time worrying about having these people exist in your periphery. If you find yourself in direct confrontation with someone you really don’t care for, give him or her your most polite PR holiday greeting, air kiss if you feel obliged (no skin contact), and be off on your merry way. Being the classy ladies that we are, I really have only two things to say about this inevitably unenviable situation: dress to kill and kill them with kindness. It is the holidays, after all. Grant them your compassion because for all their shortcomings, they’re probably going to need it. Namaste!
Giving back
There is no greater time to reflect and be grateful for the year that has been. Surely, there are some who might agree that this was their worst year ever, but remember that there is still someone out there who had it worse than you. You don’t have to buy 100 diapers or teddy bears for an orphanage, but if you can, that wouldn’t be a bad idea. If you feel the need to post it on Instagram, that’s your prerogative. But know that you are doing it for the right reasons, like raising awareness for those who are truly in need and not just your need for another selfie. Aside from the customary and much-needed donations, you can also pledge yourself to a cause you really believe in. If you love children, take a trip to the Philippine General Hospital’s pediatric ward and see what you can do to help. If you prefer infants, there is the Cribs foundation, where babies just need to be held. If you enjoy group outings, organize a Habitat for Humanity build for you and your friends or colleagues. If you are a nature lover, there is a myriad of worthy organizations that need funds, volunteer time, and maybe even your professional talent. Beyond the clothes that we give away or donations that we buy and send out, it might also be a good time to find an advocacy you can stick to for life. Something you can give your time, talent, and heart to beyond the holidays and no matter what the season.
