MANILA, Philippines - We’ve all been there — real or imagined — dating a guy who is, by some accounts, non-hideous, inarguably kempt, handsome in the right light, in possession of hygiene, and sometimes, if we’re really lucky, career-driven to a staunch degree. Or if there’s no fault in our stars, we stumble upon a suitor who has a sizable bankroll. Bingo! Though I wouldn’t call myself materialistic.
It’s simply the bare minimum; a mental list of essential qualities filed under “boyfriend material.†Ticking them off as we consider a list of plausible nominees, we come to the conclusion that this sort of male is a dime a dozen. Bountiful as these men may be, bred from a host of UAAP schools and well-paying multinationals, there exists a glaring chink in their not-so-shining armor. More often than not, they are bereft of personal style — the specific kind of style I would like to parade on my arm as I casually shop for sheets and things at the nearest galleria. Who hasn’t crushed on a guy who had nary a clue on how to dress himself? A famine of beauty, as one Vogue editor succinctly put, a name and order to the status quo.
How do we incentivize the re-exploration of this charted territory? One can begin to call it hedge fund dating. Consider this hypothesis: we scale a date based not on his current propensity to embody Mr. Perfect, but by investing in the basis of his potential to become Mr. Perfect. In a nutshell: we buy low, then sell high. We dress them up, turning average guys into perfect little dream boats. Nothing a few emergency trips to Alterations Plus won’t fix. The best accessory is the right #ManCandy after all. The order of the day? Merchandize your man up.
It would simply be a luxury if all our potential partners had great style all on their own, but alas, we live in a world of misdirection. When the term “dressed by the Internet†could be the single biggest sartorial insult, the wrong trend could be anyone’s folly. Style is the single easiest thing to influence in a partner, but discretion and cunning are integral to the course of least resistance. We already know your guy is wearing the wrong things, but he doesn’t have to know about it. Subvert his personal style, subtly, using wit and a quick set of hands, slowly replacing everything in his closet. Nobody likes to be told they are wrong. A funny fact, that, because seemingly every boy I meet is so good at being wrong. Read on, as I present a boyfriend style guide for your perusal. We choose the hot trends, match the right pegs and eschew the rest.
Style your boyfriend, girls. It’s time you had that talk.
THE CHARMER:R YAN GOSLING
Hey, girl — you’ve stumbled upon a diamond in the rough, haven’t you? Feel the tuft of hair on his chin: do you know what it’s made of? Boyfriend material. But in all seriousness, you’ve found yourself a guy who can look good in practically anything. He has a face that would look good wrapped up in a burlap sack. Take it from Ryan Gosling and keep things simple. Think basics, solid hues and a distinct lack of embellishing. Saddled up with a pretty boy like this, all the accessory you need is a ring on it.
YStyle says cop this look if your boyfriend has a cute face, wide chest, trim waist, basically perfect and he’s probably better off without you.
Key items: a white oxford button-down, flat-front pants, steez (style with ease)
Retail investment: on the cheap
Must-stop shops: Uniqlo, Bench, Muji
THE TRUE PREP: NICK WOOSTER
If you’ve suddenly found yourself coming in to some money — meaning to say — latching on to a trust fund baby with a house in Punta Fuego, the style of the born and bred may just be the perfect fit for you and yours. Status-seeking dilettantes need not apply, as Nick Wooster shows us, a certain gravitas (read: an air of money) is a requirement for pulling off the true prep. Style your boyfie in plaid basics, knit ties, needle point belts, go-to-hell sunglasses and basically anything emblazoned with cute little critters What a prepster boyfriend lacks in self-awareness, he makes up for in access. You go, girl. A hacienda is in the balance.
YStyle says cop if your boyfriend is fond of brunch and owns beach-front property
Key items: boat shoes, a Golden Retriever, a madras button-down
Retail investment: old money
Must-stop shops: Ralph Lauren, Brooks Brothers, Gant
THE EYE-TALIAN GENT: GEORGE CORTINA
I don’t speak Italian but I do speak sprezzatura, Italian for studied nonchalance, or making difficult things look easy. Vogue Nippon fashion director George Cortina shows us a thing or two in capturing indelible elegance. A street-style favorite, this look puts an emphasis on fit and tailoring, capturing the power to elevate the most basic of every Tom, Dick and Harry. A lithe yet masculine physique is pivotal; think active, think footballer, think Dolce & Gabbana underwear ads. Make your boyfriend World Cup worthy if you manage to cop this kit. Viva Italia!
YStyle says cop if your boyfriend knows a foreign language.
Key items: double monk strap shoes, double breasted suits, double everything
Retail investment: bankrupt
Must-stop shops: Salvatore Ferragamo, Fred Perry, Massimo Dutti
THE FATHER FIGURE: JON HAMM
Every fashion girl’s dream is to land a hot-shot investment banker with an expense account, an inclination for a guy in a suit and tie, funded by dreams of Chanel, Dries and Prada. As long as he makes it a point to have less time for whine and more wine and dine, age is but a number after all. If your new found boyfriend is looking more doughy than he should be, take cues from Jon Hamm and suit up. Skip the pomade, though; ain’t nobody got time for that.
YStyle says cop if your boyfriend can father you twice over in age.
Key items: a day suit, a business suit, an expense account
Retail investment: sugar daddy requisite
Must-stop shops: Hugo Boss, Dunhill, Ermenegildo Zegna
THE STREET STYLE NINJA: KANYE WEST
If you’ve found a competitive sneaker head on your hands, capitalize on his inclination towards fashion and put his brand whore tendencies to good use. Cop Kanye’s beastin’ style for your boy and enjoy the street credibility of worshipping the original inventor of the leather jogger. Keep it loose in layered textures and oversized silhouettes. If you prize brand elitism and exclusivity as king, your boyfriend will rightfully stand out from the herd like a unicorn. Maximum freshness, optimal hype is the name of the game.
YStyle says cop if your boyfriend is a Hypebeast lurker.
Key items: a leather skirt, leather track pants, leather meggings
Retail investment: beg, borrow or steal
Must-stop shops: Univers d’Homme et Femme, Y-3, Comme Des Garçons
THE SPORNOSEXUAL: NICK JONAS
In the grand tradition of Tina Fey and her most lauded oeuvre, 30 Rock, we celebrate the boyfriend as Sex Idiot — a choice cut of man meat who was basically born to be objectified in tight shirts and well-fitting jeans. A most accessible style in its economy, of both price and fabric, the recently buffed-up Nick Jonas demonstrates the breadth of possibility. Do not be fooled by its simplicity, your boyfriend’s style quotient is directly proportional to the size of his biceps. Choose muscle-fit shirts, knit raglan henleys and faux fleece track pants. Done right, he’ll bring on the heat and fulfill his role as token man candy.
YStyle says cop if your boyfriend is a hipon with the potential to become a well-coated tempura.
Key items: a gym-bag he brings everywhere, a muscle-tee, ass-hugging jeans
Retail investment: a pauper’s ransom
Must-stop shops: American Eagle Outfitters, Folded & Hung , Calvin Klein Jeans
THE PARENT TRAP: JOHNNY DEPP
Nobody does eclectic quite like Johnny Depp. The Parent Trap look is the road less traveled. For some, it is strictly a utility choice, a visual message addressed to one’s parents. Dear Mommy and Daddy, you could have 99 problems but if you leave me alone this boy won’t be one. But on the other hand, it could be a well-meaning celebration of mewelry and grunge. Is your boyfriend up to the challenge? Think arm party. Think several arm parties, a slew of scarves, a ring on every finger, top it off with a hat, et voila. You’re now officially dating either a cowboy or a pirate.
YStyle says cop if your boyfriend is a lesson for Mom and Dad not to mess with you.
Key items: a waist coat, a twirl of scarves, endless bling
Retail investment: putting on the ritz
Must-stop shops: Diesel, Hoodwink, ukay-ukay
THE LUMBERJACK: JAKE GYLLENHAAL
Too hot to wear flannel in the city? The Lumberjack does not care and continues to take his cues from clothing that is described as either worsted or waxed. Reppin’ the scruffy side of things, Jake Gyllenhaal looks ready to hammer down some floor boards or chop up some firewood — if you know what I mean — all sprung and fired up. If your boyfriend likes the idea of heritage, an abundance of pockets or the whole-day-affair look as most hipsters are wont to sport, cop this style. Tell him to saddle up because it’s more than just clothing, it becomes a way of life. Glamping and other outdoorsy activities, sold separately.
YStyle says cop if your boyfriend has a hip address like Corinthians to back up the ‘di naliligo vibe.
Key items: un-ironic dungarees, work boots, anything camouflage
Retail investment: high street
Must-stop shops: The North Face, Zara, Topman