Prom style stereotypes

MANILA, Philippines - Prom is one event I highly recommend to high school students. Kids, skip the gross allowance sucker of a school fair, the boring spiritual retreat or the often-useless study tour abroad — but try not to miss the cringe-worthy production number known as your high school prom. The first three events I mentioned earlier will most likely happen again when you’re in college or, sadly, throughout adulthood (job fairs with an ass-kissing booth, mandatory team-building seminar and office outings). But your junior and/or senior prom? It is a once in a lifetime event that is hard to replicate unless you’re invited to Manila’s adult proms (a.k.a. insert your choice of magazine title name’s anniversary ball with Tessa Prieto-Valdes forever the prom queen since the start of the millennium).

Another reason why kids should not skip prom is the important skill they acquire during the whole process: decision-making. “Who can I take to the prom?” “Who can be my backup date?” “Is the master cleanse worth it?” “What is my takas plan so I can stay out till 4 a.m.?” And the most important decision of all, especially for girls, “What to wear?” Choosing your prom ensemble is like choosing a house because people will judge you for it and you have to live with it for years. But who cares if you want to sparkle like a basketball wife or wear a cardigan to be a glorified wallflower? If you feel like a queen, go for it.

So, 2013 prom goers, make wise decisions even if it means negotiating with your parents. Tell your parents what Auntie Miuccia Prada said: “Fashion is instant language” and this is the message you want to send to your high school bubble. Over the years, here are different prom goers who clearly transmitted their messages through their choices.

Fashion victim award

I pity designers who deal with bridezilla-like teenage clients who barge in their studio with their own clear book of pegs. These girls are the ones with a solid plan to win the most stylish award so they can finally blog about having a couture experience (couture, yo face). This dangerous prom goer has a ton of references from Marc Jacobs to Marchesa but when it comes to budget, sometimes girlfriend can’t even afford shoes from Marikina. This type of prom goer wants everything stylish like her “statement shoes,” “statement necklace,” “statement corsage” and even her “statement date.” Fearless forecast for this year’s fad girls: cutout dresses, metallic and bold colors.

The Bella of the ball a.k.a. grunge gal

Aside from the fad girls, we have the tomboy chic gal who wishes to make a statement that she’s anti pa-cute. A hybrid between Scary and Sporty Spice, this prom goer has everything dark from the shade of the gown to makeup. The style is often an attempt to look avant-garde or structured with a more masculine silhouette. Sometimes if they are lazy, they just wear a pair of Chuck Taylors and stick their tongue out in photos to tell the world they’re so cowboy. Whatever, beaatch, the message we receive is you want Robert Pattinson to be your boyfriend and Balenciaga to dress you up for events.

Hubadera award

Prom is the night girls can wear anything they want without a nun handing them a demerit from the disciplinary office. And by anything, there are girls who want to show everything from their latest bra cup size to prized thigh gaps. The styles that usually scream “I’m looking for trouble” are low cuts at the back, plunging necklines, body con dresses, sheer gowns or anything Miley Cyrus wears on the red carpet. Well, to be frank, why not? Enjoy it while you can, honey, because Freshman 15 is not a myth and you better not go to Burgos after the prom.

Award for waste management

Prom can be really expensive nowadays so it’s understandable if girls choose to recycle and save the money for a gadget or a concert ticket. Unfortunately, for some, the gowns that usually get recycled are awful entourage gowns from older siblings. My darling recyclers, I wish you all fantastic entourage gowns to wear. But deep down I know Manila brides like ‘em shining, shimmering and splendid. If you go to Alterations Plus, might as well slip the lady some cash to lessen some of the embellishment and to trash the church shawl.

Most likely to succeed in Disneyland award

Nothing is more tragic than a teenager who sincerely wants to resemble a Princess outside Florida or Hong Kong. This sweetheart automatically wants everything in the teenage Taylor Swift checklist: the poufy ball skirt, the train (have mercy on your prom date), the gloves, a ton of tulle and the saddest of all, her own tiara. There other events where you can dress like a princess, say your own debut, a Cosplay event at the mall or Halloween. But if you insist on dressing up like royalty, try going to Sarah Burton, OBE.

Most compatible mother and child award

One of the best things about prom night is you get to see the most unlikely girls get dolled up. I’m not talking about “nasa loob ang kulo” girls because they have social media to show their slutty side. I’m talking about the obedient daughters! They are the living dolls of Manila Tiger Moms (usually MILFS) who call the shots in everything from the designer to the makeup artist with the excuse that they never got to experience prom during martial law or in San Lorenzo Village. And depending on who their mothers are, these girls can be a hit or miss. If Mother Dearest has the likes of  “Joey” or “Ivar” in their phonebook, rejoice, my darling! No need for a tiara. But if Mother dresses them up ready for Santa Cruzan or Bb. Pilipinas c/o their 80-year-old modista… be brave, little one.