Effacing your worst fears
MANILA, Philippines -Most of us start every day trying to fix something, some kind of flaw, before feeling brave enough to present ourselves to other people. With all this primping, preening and correcting, to a certain extent, we all hope that one day, some revolutionary treatment or technology will make our flaws finally disappear, so we can finally stop fixing and just be the best versions of ourselves.
For Abby Asistio, a singer/songwriter who was diagnosed with Alopecia Areata, a rare auto-immune disease that causes hair loss, left her balding or completely bald for most of her life, it took a lot bravery every day to face other people whenever she left her home. She went through elementary wearing hats to school, which her classmates tried to pull off while calling her names like kalbo or bokal. But this torture was nothing compared to her years from high school to college. “Being with my pretty classmates, it became more obvious that I was different. I looked different. And compared to them I was unattractive and undesirable. I felt like nobody could like me the way I was. I was bald and girls were supposed to have really nice, lustrous hair! I’ve been wearing hats, bandanas and wigs these past 24 years. I had hair but there were a lot of bald spots,” she says.
Maricel Mansano, a former beauty pageant contestant, agrees that the onset of puberty and adolescence was also the most difficult transition of her life because severe acne began to plague her at the age of 13. “I was the muse of my school and whenever there was an activity, I needed to wear thick makeup the whole day. I actually think that prompted the occurrence of my acne. At that time, when it was just starting, it was okay until zits continued to pop out exponentially and people started taking notice of it. People would always say, ‘Maganda sana siya, kaya lang may pimples (She could be beautiful, but she has pimples),’ which made me self-conscious,” she recounts. While most people eventually outgrow acne, Sai continues to battle it even in her mid-20s. Worse, the severe outbreaks of her younger years have left their mark on her face in the form of deep icepick scars.
Kaylee Calaguas, an aspiring actress and beauty queen, also endured similar struggles, but a little later on in life. Having grown up in the US as a “sporty bookworm who rarely looked at a mirror,” she decided to join a beauty pageant in an attempt to become more ladylike. “I was 16 when I was getting my makeup done for a pageant event and my makeup artist told me, ‘Your tooth is crooked.’ For the first time in my life, I had noticed it and felt a little dismayed after the fact. The more pageants I joined, the more seriously my family, friends and supporters urged me to take pageantry to heart. I’ve been told to fix my teeth, but half of the people I love say to leave it because it adds charm and character,” she shares.
If there’s a common thread among the stories of these three uniquely different young women, it’s the fact that they had never noticed anything wrong with themselves until other people pointed something out. Sadly, this habit of scrutiny and criticism is one we perpetrate as a society, as if any of us is physically “perfect” enough to be able to pass judgement.
For this edition of YStyle, Abby, Maricel and Kaylee have all agreed to have themselves photographed sans the safety nets of wigs, concealer, and rehearsed angles, respectively. Though they’ve agreed to take this giant step out of their comfort zones, they still admit that, one way or another, if they had the opportunity to “fix” themselves for good, they would still take it. That doesn’t mean, however, that they are going to be any less kind to themselves in the meantime. Kaylee admits that she’s always wanted braces, but she refers to her charmingly crooked tooth as “the one broken crayon in my Crayola box that people might or might not put too much importance on.” Maricel has been undergoing expensive stem cell therapy treatments to smooth her skin and get rid of the acne scars and so far, she’s been happy with the results. “It’s hypocrisy to say that I don’t wish to have perfect skin. But I can honestly tell you that I am happy with or without it,” she says.
Two months ago, Abby took the plunge by completely shaving her hair off and playing a gig in public last Sept. 26 in order to raise awareness for Alopecia Areata. She encouraged supporters to send in photos of themselves making “AA” hand signs for her Alopecia Awareness campaign. After her gig, Abby received almost 1,500 “AA” photos from supporters (as of press time), was featured on several TV and radio shows, most recently on the Bottomline with Boy Abunda, and was shot by photographers Xander Angeles, for his upcoming exhibit next year, and Sara Black for her soon-to-be-released coffee table book. But none of these coveted appearances compare to her latest coup: Abby is now officially an ambassador for Dove’s real beauty campaign.
“I think it’s great that women want their hair to look gorgeous. If I had hair, I’d want it to look desirable too! But people shouldn’t be so obsessed with it. I would always pray for all of my hair to grow back. But since that’s not the case yet, I just have to love and accept my head the way it is right now. I believe I was made for this. This is my purpose. To have Alopecia, to come out and help those with the condition deal with this better and more gracefully and to inspire others to value true beauty — one’s character, personality — more than one’s external features,” she shares.
The flaws we criticize in other people are usually the ones we’re most harsh about with ourselves. As Lady Gaga tweeted days after the media tried fat-shaming her after she’d gained 25 pounds, it’s time “to inspire bravery and breed some m$therf*cking compassion.” You’ve heard it before: You can’t be kind to others if you aren’t capable of being kind to yourself. The same goes for compassion, forgiveness, generosity, and all the other good things. It’s time to start playing nice — you really owe it to yourself.
