Lazy girl's guide to a better body

Last year I had love affairs with three men: David Kirsch, Rodney Yee and my gym trainer Gary. Okay, they were all one-sided relationships really (they gave, I took) and I didn’t know them personally, except for Gary, whom I was seeing for an hour, twice a week for four months. The gentle-but-serious Gary was the best personal trainer I’ve had (believe me I’ve had one who rambled on about his love for KFC while I was on the treadmill…and this was just during warm up) and though Gary has now moved to another gym, his comments still ring in my ear to this day. He didn’t talk much but spat out one-liners like, “That’s 30 years of fat in your body… so it won’t come off in three months.” Ouch. But true. Kirsch is the New York-based celebrity fitness trainer famous for luxury gym Madison Square Club who’s been written about in Vogue for his herbal wellness drinks, like the 10-calorie Thermo Bubbles. My sister turned me on to his book The Ultimate New York Body Plan, a thoroughly entertaining read of his clients’ transformations. Yee is one of the most prolific yoga instructors in the US, the controversial stud-muffin yogi whose Power Yoga DVD, one of some 30 videos he has on the market, sustained a regular at-home yoga practice.  

So how much weight have I lost? Honestly, I don’t know. Once in a while I would step on the scale and it seemed like the numbers didn’t even change. I am not obsessed about weight or body fat percentage. All I care about is that my clothes would start fitting better, I (try to) stand straighter, and people keep saying, “ang payat mo,” even on my fat-ugly days. I have to say the physical change was a result of not just schlepping my way through cardio, weights and yoga, but adopting new habits that boosted my often-times failing discipline. Here are some of a lazy girl’s little helpers that work while you don’t.

Green minded: Get a purist’s juice drink at Juju Cleanse.

Drink Your Meals

Lazy girls cannot deal with complicated diet plans. If you live alone like me, getting the right nutrition is a major challenge. Cooking up healthy meals or even putting together a simple salad takes time. Even if I go to the grocery for healthy ingredients I end up with so much leftovers, and leaves wilting faster than I can chew them. My solution is to drink my meals. Replacing breakfast or dinner with green juice ensures you get the nutrition from fruits and vegetables. With high-quality juice delivery companies (look up Juju Cleanse at www.jujucleanse.com or Rawlicious at you can also give your entire system a break for a day or two, a great way to eat healthy without the complicated and bad-for-your-body crash diets. This way I can reserve more indulgent meals for socials, and enjoy them without guilt.

Put Your Brain In Your Butt

If you’re born with a naturally languid body it does not mean you don’t have an active brain. Most often people who don’t enjoy working out are the ones that are thinking too much. But there’s no way around it: to burn fat, you have to move. So start by getting your mind into it. Read up, whether it’s just People magazine’s report on how stars get bikini ready, or browsing yogajournal.com. When I work out I like to engage my body fully, preparing a playlist of my favorite tracks to keep me focused and entertained. Watching TV only distracts me from what I’m doing and slows down my movement, as seeing the world news on CNN is usually depressing and makes me feel like I should leave the gym now and volunteer for Sendong victims. So I would rather tune out. It’s just one hour of your day. You can do it.

Lazing around: Sienna Miller reportedly hates the gym.

Tech Treatments That Blast Fat

I first heard about Slim At Home through friends’ Facebook status updates saying, “Hey this works!” and “Girls, you have to try this.” I’ve been around long enough (and spent too much) to finally learn not to rely on quick fixes. I am also not a regular at derma clinics, and loathe anything invasive. But something about Lipocav made me curious. It’s a treatment that uses ultrasonic technology to melt areas of stubborn fat in specific body parts like stomach, thighs or arms. With Slim At Home, they bring the machines to your home so you can experience it with your preferred levels of privacy and comfort. Owner Happy Ongpauco-Tiu advised me to give it five sessions to see results. She was not remiss in reminding me to continue to exercise regulary and lay off the junk food. So get this: each treatment apparently releases around a kilo of fat into your system, to be eliminated afterwards. You’re advised to drink lots of lukewarm (staying away from cold) water before and after the treatment.                 

Tiu recommends pairing Lipocav with Thermaslim, a firming and toning treatment that works through electromagnetic waves. My Slim At Home sessions turned out to be an indulgence. Since I love hard massages, I looked forward to the deep, pummeling action involved in the 20-minute Lipocav session. Then I would doze off from the relaxing warmth of Thermaslim heat as it tightened, two energetic therapists working while I slept. Part of the success is the hard work, if not the positive vibes, of Slim’s therapists, who, although they may exhibit inconsistencies in body measurements (it’s really quite a subjective task if you think about it), keep you pepped up and brainwashed with motivational instructions as well. While continuing my regular workouts, I began to obsess weekly, as they did, about niggling pockets of fat, then welcome them to my home like Renaissance sculptors to push, press and chisel away the sins of my diet. I lost nine cm each on my thighs after nine sessions of once-a-week treatments. Certainly impressive figures, lost in a much shorter time than if I relied solely on workouts. 

Whistle while they work: Slim At Home’s Lipocav and Thermaslim work to blast fat while you don’t. Photo by EJAY LEUNG

Contact Slim At Home at 0917-8857546 and 0927-3632662 or visit www.slimathome.com.ph. They are open from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.

Lymphatic Massage

A form of massage that encourages your system to eliminate metabolic waste, toxins and excess fluids, this is an ultimate body and mind detox experience. Great for combatting bloating and to revive a sluggish system, this involves a trained massage therapist using light pressure and circular movements to stimulate the lymph system to work more efficiently and help move the lymph fluids back to the heart. Lymphatic massage not only enhances the body’s healing capacity but also improves body tone and skin radiance. I’ve been getting monthly lymphatic treatments at Amezcua Center in White Plains.

If you want to monitor the change in your physique, there’s no better proof than the mirror (or Facebook photos). So while you want the visible results — shapelier limbs, a summer bikini body, or more visible cheekbones — the ultimate reward for me is increased stamina and energy, for seeing friends, for work, for the occasional glass of champagne or sliver of chocolate. A newfound lust for the pleasures of life should be the point of all that huffing and puffing anyway.

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