The art of giving terrible presents

MANILA, Philippines - There’s substandard (socks, mugs), then there’s bad (Botox gift certificate, nose hair clippers, diet shake). When it comes to gift giving during Christmas, what counts as the worst? In a recent Jimmy Kimmel episode, the late night host petitioned viewers to give their kid a crappy gift before Christmas and tape the results.

The outcome — as expected — was hilarious. (Check it out on YouTube. It’s worth the watch.)

One blond tyke, after excitedly unwrapping a present only to reveal a half-eaten sandwich, looked at her mother with wide eyes and asked, with as much childish contempt as anyone below five can muster, “But… why?”

Why, indeed.

We polled a few of Manila’s most-respected designers to ask them if they’re guilty of the same holiday crime. The results range from ’90s-era kitsch to tween-friendly items. No Twilight, thank God.

 “We exchanged gifts with close friends during a Christmas party in Dubai four years ago. The theme was to give a gift that would make people laugh. Most of my friends brought the most unusual gifts that were really funny. When it was time for my gift to be opened by my friend, everyone was waiting expectantly to see what was inside. It was a picture frame. No one was amused. They asked me what made my gift funny. I said, ‘Put your photo in the frame and it will make people laugh.’ Everyone burst into laughter. My friend didn’t like my joke and stopped talking to me until the new year.” — Michael Cinco

“(A) half-eaten pack of  cookies! I didn’t know I gave the wrong package by mistake.”  — Amina Aranaz-Alunan

 “Animal print undies for my gal pal ­— and she opened the package in front of her family.” — Eric de los Santos

“Keychains! I promised not to give them, but these things happen.” — Pablo Cabahug

“I received quite a number of local sweets from different people one Christmas and I opened them up, gathered them all and put it in one bilao that was so big the candies moved around because of the extra space. The polvoron were eventually crushed and covered all the other candies. I didn’t bother fixing it up because I had already tied a ribbon around the cellophane. I gave it and rushed out the door never to be seen again. I was in third year high school.” — Candy Dizon

 “It must be the Disney Princesses albums I gave to my fellow designers during my first year as an FDCP member! I thought they were all as tweetums as I am! (Laughs) But the Brie van de Kamp in me wrapped them so beautifully.”— JC Buendia

 “During the ‘rave’ party days, I gave away condoms as Christmas gifts with gift cards and ribbons pa! Even to my close friends. That was the ’90s!” — James Reyes