10 Worst Trends of 2008: A headbanging end
File these under Never Should’ve Happened. 2008 was the year of the celebrity denim label, sky-high prices and way more fur and flashy tights than should ever be seen outside of a Fame musical. The Dow took a thrashing unseen since the film debut of Rambo II and Gossip Girl’s excessive use of outrageously fluffy headbands forced the trend into an early grave. Phew. 2008 was a big year for flashy bailouts and way-too-flashy accessories.
We list the bad, the ugly and the oh-God-no.
Headbands
Worn Blair Waldorf-style while you’re still below 25 is cute. Anywhere up north is a Halloween costume waiting to happen. Wearing it à la Mischa Barton is a mug shot waiting to happen.
Shutter shades
It’s a case of the sartorially blind leading the blind. Kanye West threw on the statement-making eyewear during his critically-acclaimed tour but it’s when local artists began adopting the trend (we’re talking to you, Diego Mapa) and pairing it with too much emo crap that it soon left the province of cool and became just plain annoying.
Old lady clothes
Frumpy is the new ladylike. Celebs, taking their cue from the twin sets and ruffles and bows that have made an appearance on catwalks, have masked their curves and youthfulness in aging frocks that do nothing for their physique. Check out Scarlett Johansson who’s been taking notes from the school of Natalie Portman dressing. If the ruffles make you — a veritable goddess — look dumpy, it’s time to ditch the outfit.
High-ticket items
“The economy is so bad,” joked Leno, “that people are lining up behind George Bush for the free shoes.” If the housing bubble in the US exploded, then we should be able to expect our baubles to experience the same predicament. High-end accessories with astronomically marked-up prices need to go the way of the dodo. One good thing we can expect from the global financial crisis: Maybe now designer labels and their equally out-of-touch prices can now come back down to earth.
Black makeup
A smoky eye is good, a coal-coated pucker is more tricky. Unless you’re blessed with cool girl looks — like my ultimate favorite rock progeny Sanya Smith — it’s best to leave the squid look alone!
Neon
The shock is back and when used in measured amounts it can seem interesting, like foam on a slab of steak. However it is easy to look like a Crayola box from hell with this trend. The heavy-handed application of this trend has landed neons in this category. Now with the far-reaching glow-in-the-dark neon mania going on, the rave to revive the rave scene is unfortunately lost on us.
Weave
Before she made her comeback and got a crew to haul her act together, Britney was one meltdown away from a real rehab facility — the kind Terminator’s Sarah Connor had to escape from. (OK, so my references are dated!) But it was her busted weave that symbolized her sob-inducing career trajectory, from MTV’s golden girl to KFed’s snatch-showing, boob-flashing, crazy-eyed ex-wife. It was not a pretty picture. Dark roots, straggly ends and locks faker than Pamela Anderson’s boobs, Britney’s weave serves as a warning to girls everywhere. Learn from the likes of Tyra, Paris and their fellow weave-wearers. Faux locks aren’t becoming on anyone.
Overpriced celebrity jeans
When Posh had to go to Loehmanns you know there’s something wrong there! In the age of Uniqlo, why pay a king’s ransom for denim? It’s lost its irony.
Tights
Again, when used as an accent it’s quite fine. Used as a statement makes it a big question mark. One runs the risk of looking like a Tootsie Roll on acid with tights that are loose on sensibility.
Fur
Yeti sightings on the red carpet are a dime a dozen these days. Oh wait, that’s just Beyonce’s sister going crazy with the (hopefully faux) fur. We have nothing against (once again: faux) fur. We like the pimps and hos look as much as the next Playboy-wielding homo sapien — ‘cause we’re cool like that. But without a sense of humor to go with a fierce fur jacket, you’re just like an Olsen without a twin: strange and slightly out of place.
