Which horror film cliché are you?
MANILA, Philippines – Horror movies may not be for everybody, but Halloween had always been an exception. It’s such a huge celebration of mystery, fear, and the crazies that a marathon is simply in order. From slashers to supernatural to extraterrestrial, nothing screams terror more than the classic characters written in every predictable way. It’s a formula so terribly effective that they’ve even made an entire series of parodies after it. (See: Scary Movie 1 to 453.)
So in the spirit of Halloween, bring out the movies, get the popcorn, ready the booze and round up the gang. Here’s a quiz to find out which cringe-worthy stereotype you are and how you’re most likely to die. After all, what’s Halloween if not one-big cliché party?
The clumsy one
You’re usually the one who complains a lot. But because your good looks and incredible charm make up for it, others try their best to keep you alive as well. Unless of course the going gets a lot tougher and each of you is left to fend for yourselves. And that is usually the case when they see that you never took your cardio seriously or you decide to wear heels and you end up falling behind. There’s still enough time for you to run away, but you choose to just stay down and cry out helplessly, because you know that your next tumble is only minutes away. So might as well just save yourself from another injury (i.e. a broken nail), right? But sadly, your pretty face won’t help you now. Better luck next time, sweetie.
Spotted in: House of Wax, Wrong Turn
The sexy couple
Raging hormones keep you too distracted to know what’s going on around you. But at the same time, being clueless saves you from all the death drama. And surprisingly, that works out for the both of you. Until, of course, you and your significant other decide to have sex or take a shower or both. Everyone knows that separating from the rest of the group is a terrible idea, but when the killer strikes, he leaves a little moment for grieving before he kills the other half of this classic tandem. After all, a lone partner running, crying and screaming for help with blood all over the place makes for a good scene to watch, now doesn’t it? The killer can’t let you guys have all the fun.
Spotted in: Jaws, Cabin in the Woods
The non-believer
Thinking logically is one way to keep you alive. Underestimating fate, though, can lead your head straight to the chopping block. And by that, we mean having it cut off as soon as you open the door that everyone else swore was suspicious. No one likes a know-it-all but you live to prove that everyone is simply wrong. You are fearless but, like, in a really bad way. And when overconfidence gets to your head, it may well cost you your life. Rule No. 1: Never take one for the team.
Spotted in: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Grudge
The leader
Congratulations, you made it out alive! You’ve probably seen one too many horror movies to know what NOT to do. You never stayed in just one place, you were never the last in line, and you knew when to keep your mouth shut and when it was time to make a decision. Staying alive is your priority so you keep moving, even if it means leaving the dead bodies of your friends behind. However, being rational can sometimes make you boring. But when you’re the only survivor to tell everyone about your crazy experience, you’ll probably make yourself the hero of the story, because who wouldn’t? Unless, of course, they decide to make a sequel; then there you’re definitely getting axed, probably in the first 15 minutes.
Spotted in: Final Destination, Saw II
Art by Maine Manalansan
