App all night on Grindr

Is it really impossible to find love on an app known for hook-ups and one-night stands? Young STAR meets two gay couples who challenge the stereotype.

MANILA, Philippines - This is not a Disney movie where your prince will save you from a three-headed dragon with a flaming sword. You are not a damsel in distress, stuck in a doorless tower, brushing your hair to the tune of a thousand animals singing. Chances are, you’re in front of your computer, in need of a shower, stalking your crush on Facebook or scrolling through your Twitter feeds for updates on your favorite celebrities.

Times have changed and technology is advancing at an alarming speed. The human connection has evolved from face-to-face to face-to-screen. You don’t have to arrange personal meet-ups just to break the ice with the person you fancy; all it takes is a click of a button. But which button to click? It can be hard to look for the next person to date with thousands of people on social networking websites. Sometimes, the people you meet might not even be your target market.

Unlike Facebook and Twitter, Grindr has a more specific user pool — guys who are looking for other guys. Sorting through four million profiles for a date can be tedious but its location-based nature makes it easier for the users to find somebody nearby in an instant. Since 2009, the app has been gaining attention for standing out in the social networking crowd and for its reputation of being the one-stop shop for gay hook-ups.

Oftentimes, people skip the intellectual and go straight to the physical. But that’s not always the case. It may be hard to believe but sometimes, people actually go out on dates. If they’re lucky, they might even fall in love.

Exhibit A: Pierre and Miko joined out of curiosity and had no expectations. “I just wanted to see what it was all about,” says Pierre. What are the chances of finding someone who is just like you, almost at the point of being twins, on a social networking app? This is not Facebook Stories, this is real life. “It’s like walking inside McDonald’s and you’re on a diet and you’re really hungry and then you see a salad on their menu. It’s like that. He exceeded my expectations. This is what I’m looking for,” he adds.

Indeed, dating online is just like eating at a fast-food restaurant. Some people decide on what they are going to have based on the picture on the menu but sometimes, the advertising will have you fooled: you don’t always get what you see. So after a week of talking on Grindr, they met up in person. Pierre didn’t have any expectations but Miko thought that the person he chatted with short-changed who he really is.

The two found themselves having similar interests and hit it off instantly. They have been together for two and a half months and are already planning a trip to Bali at the end of the year.

Exhibit B: W.W. and B.C. met by the power of Murakami. “It was my profile photo that got him, an artsy shot of me, covering my face with a Murakami book,” says W.W. They both had the same sentiments about dating online (“I’m tired of logging in and out of someone’s life.”) and soon enough, they built an unspoken mutual trust and both agreed to meet that same night.

Being together for just two months, they said that it’s too early to say that they will last forever but they have been working on their relationship despite the unconventionality of how they met. B.C. admitted that he still has a bit of prejudice about relationships that start online but he is slowly outgrowing the skepticism because of W.W. “Tatanda akong mag-isa at single kung magiging makitid ang utak ko sa pagbabago sa lipunan,” he says.

And right he is. There are certain risks in online dating, like getting Catfish-ed or scammed into doing what you are not supposed to do, but more so for the LGBT community. Stories have been told about people who deliberately spread HIV and it has been a common fear among people on Grindr. “I am sure that not a lot of people have an awareness of the risks, or choose to ignore it in blind pursuit of instant gratification and I think it is reckless and stupid,” says BC.

Yes, the Internet makes dating easier but it doesn’t mean that they should forgo precautionary actions before meeting in person. These risks were present before Grindr was created and with this comes the fact that even users of other websites are not safe. After all, Grindr is just like Facebook, but with a more condensed market.

At the end of the day, all social networking websites serve the same purpose, bad reputation or not. Play your cards right online and you might even find someone to gaze at without the need to secretly stalk their profile.