How to do your #promposal differently

Has it really become that the kids’ first plan of attack with these promposals is ‘Will this be Instagrammable’?

Before I say anything I might eventually be stoned to death for, let me say first that I bombed my “promposal.” The whole thing lasted about 10 minutes. 15 tops. I didn’t plan for it to happen the way it did.

The conversation leading up to the act was as casual as a Gap shirt. It happened after the girl asked if I read comics by Grant Morrison and it suddenly hit me — yep, this is the girl I want to take to prom. In the middle of the perpetually congested Katipunan flyover, I decided to call her and ask her to prom. She said she’d think about it and the next morning, she texted me to say yes. Three months later, prom happened and my date was someone else altogether. How that happened is a story for another time but what I do think about, is how I would’ve changed my promposal. What would I do differently? If I had a TARDIS, how would I go back in time and make my promposal something Shia LaBeouf would want to steal?

Looking at this Millennial world I seem to be a part of, I notice that my Instagram feed has been getting a lot of these #promposals lately. Is it just me or has it really become that the kids’ first plan of attack with these promposals is “Will this be Instagrammable”? (Yes, I know that “Instagrammable” is not a word and every time I hear someone say “Instagrammable” makes me want to listen to Sarah McLachlan all day but I digress.)

If I could go back in time, I would take Instagram and the whole of social media out of the equation. The promposal shouldn’t be a stunt. It shouldn’t be something to be captured on video in 15 seconds or less. It’s an experience meant for the couple involved. It should be that great of a moment that it can’t be retold using emojis. And if you’re offended with what I just said, please remember that I’m the guy who asked a girl to prom via a cell phone call.

It’s been close to a decade since my prom and about two decades of me watching every kind of rom-com imaginable. Based on all of that, I’ve realized that the ideal promposal should be more than just asking her out on a date but less than a marriage proposal. An act that says, “This is going to be a night you’ll never forget but it also won’t require a pre-nup.” Make it as personal as possible. The less people involved the better. Meaning if I could do my promposal all over again, I still wouldn’t be getting my friends to sing an a cappella version of Firework. But there is something to be said about fireworks and I’ll get to that later.

As important as making it as personal as possible is, timing is even more so. There’s no magic to what you’re doing if it feels like it was decided upon just five seconds earlier. Don’t rush the promposal. Don’t treat it as some class project you had to work on the night before submission. Plan it out but also remember that timing is everything. Get all your ducks in a row, so that when the time comes, you’ll be ready. Again learn from my mistake and do not ask her out on a whim in the middle of a two-hour traffic jam. The girl and her yes deserve better than that.

 â€œKnow your limits.” That’s probably a line from some movie I saw I will now use. A promposal should be special but don’t go overboard. The last thing you want your promposal to be is a Michael Bay movie: all style, no substance. Just do what you can with what you have. I’d like to think that the person you’re asking is going to prom because she likes you for you. You shouldn’t resort to expensive gifts but you don’t go too small either. Above all, remember that whatever you do, whatever you give, and however you do it, make sure it’s because it means something to the two of you.

So given all the preaching and pop-culture references, this is how I’d redo my promposal: First, I’d take her out to a good dinner. Doesn’t have to be crazy expensive but special enough that she knows I made the effort. The trick is to surprise her. All night I’d just do my best to keep her entertained but also keep her unaware I’m about to ask her to the prom. After dinner, I’d probably drive and park the car somewhere with a nice view. Once we’ve settled, I’d give her a copy of her favorite book because the girl I asked loved books. This is how I imagine it would go:

Me: Before I forget, I wanted to give you this book I read.

Girl: Yeah, I’ve read this book. It’s my favorite.

Me: I know. But this one’s a bit different. I changed the ending. Let me know what you think of it.

And handwritten on the last page of her favorite book is “Will you go to prom with me?” Okay, it’s a bit cheesy but it’s also a gamble and it’s not the end of my promposal. The girl needs to say “yes” first and if she does, that’s where the true payoff happens. Now this part is a bit more difficult and depends on saving a little cash but not too much. If the girl says “yes,” I’d blink my car’s headlights a couple of times and let someone know from somewhere to light the fireworks I’d have bought a couple of days beforehand. The whole fireworks gesture is a great exclamation point to end the promposal but should also get everyone excited for what comes next. Hopefully, the book’s simplicity and intimacy complements the “grand gesture” of the fireworks. If any high school student out there likes the idea, feel free to use it because there is no reason a 25-year-old man should ever do a promposal.

To the kids out there who’ve already successfully achieved their promposals, congratulations and have a great prom! To those who are still planning theirs, good luck and I hope this helped you even a little. And to the girl I asked out via a random 10-minute phone call, I’m really, really, really sorry.