Which Bluth are you?

Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey once sang, “There can be miracles, when you believe.” While we’re almost sure they weren’t referring to the miraculous return of Arrested Development, it is still something to sing about. For those who are baffled by the last few sentences, Arrested Development is a sitcom about an absurd family, the Bluths, and how they continue to live their high-class lifestyle while in the middle of a court case that could leave them with nothing. The show lasted three seasons before it was abruptly cancelled, with millions of fans waiting for the Bluths to return.

And now they have. To celebrate, we invite you to play a simple game of Which Bluth Are You? The winner gets a frozen banana.

Do you have the name of a disgraced British pop star? Have you ever worked at a banana stand? Has your father always promised to bring you out on a bonding trip only to say no at the last minute? Do you have a crush on someone you shouldn’t have a crush on? Maybe a cousin? Have you ever seen an uncle undress in front of you? Wait, you have a girlfriend? Then you are George-Michael Bluth.

Do you feel like you’re the only sane member of your family? Like you might actually consider the thought you could’ve been adopted? Do you like telling your family, oftentimes your mother, that this will be the last time you help them only to return to them 30 minutes later out of some messianic complex? Did you name your one and only child after a disgraced pop star? Then you are Michael Bluth.

Do you feel like you should’ve been emancipated? How much do hate your mom? Your dad? Have you ever made out with Steve Holt? Did you, for a time, work as a big-time Hollywood producer? Have you ever pretended to be a disabled high school student to get your school to donate you a lot of money? Marry me? Then you are Maeby Bluth Fünke.

Do you feel like no one can get your name right? Like your father never took your magic — sorry we meant illusions — seriously? Ever blow up a boat just to impress said father? Have you ever caught your 60-plus-year-old parents having sex? Twice? Are you jealous of all the praise and respect your brother is getting? How many times have you made a huge mistake? Want to listen to Europe’s The Final Countdown? Then you are GOB Bluth.

Do you feel you are meant to be more than just a failed therapist? When was the last time you’ve had sex with your wife? Have you ever dreamt of joining the Blue Man Group? Did you think that the Blue Man Group was a support group for men who were feeling blue? Are you a never-nude? Are you Frightened Inmate #2? Have you ever been trained by Carl Weathers? Then you are Tobias Fünke.

Do you feel like your always fighting with your kids — scratch that — have you ever made your kids fight over you? Have you ever adopted a Korean boy just to make one of your kids jealous? Are you perpetually drunk or in the process of getting drunk? Do you have an archenemy that shares your first name? Do you think you’re better than everyone else? Then you are Lucille Bluth.

Do you lack direction in your life? Do you have marital problems with a husband who seems more into Carl Weathers than he is into you? Have you ever hit on your twin brother when you thought for a time that he wasn’t your real brother? Did you ever join a band called Dr. Funke’s 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution? Have you ever flirted with the actor Tom Jane? Then you are Lindsay Bluth Fünke.

Do you have a hook for a hand? Did you get that hook after a loose seal bit off one of your hands? Do you have a really close relationship with your mother? Have you ever dated a woman who shares the same first name as your mother? Same age? A woman who your mother considers her archenemy? Have you ever joined the army on a whim? Did your mother ever try to have you aborted but somehow you survived? Then you are Buster Bluth.

Do you have a twin brother? Have you ever been charged with conspiring with Sadam Hussein? Have you ever secretly lived in an attic? Ever had an affair with your psycho secretary? How many times have you run away from the law? How many times have you been caught by the law you just ran away from? Have you ever played God? Is there money in the banana stand? Then you are George Bluth.

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We have some good news and some bad news. Good news: you can go to netflix.com or any of the hundreds of torrent sites we “allegedly” go to, and watch the entire fourth season of Arrested Development. If you didn’t understand the article you just read, watching it might help. Bad news: We were just joking about that frozen banana.