What your ‘90s crush says about you

Just as the ’96 Bulls were worshipped in every way, the ‘90s were also home to some of the most face-melting, crush-causing actresses of all time. It wasn’t just the hair; it was the whole package. Now some of these babes may have had babies already, but it’s about time we use that time machine, go back, and see if your ‘90s crush can say something about your dating ways.

Sarah Michelle Gellar (‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’)

You’re into independent women with cute names like Buffy Anne Summers, who know how to take care of themselves in the direst situations. They have no problem treading the dark streets of Recto at 1 a.m. with nothing but an orange belt in karate, or at least hailing a cab from — fine, Rockwell. They don’t need you; you need them.

Any aggression from her end is still seen as crazy endearing, since you think of yourself as a modern-day Xander and not even Willow can compare.

At the end of the day, you’re the type of dude who just wants to save women from the cowlick-haired David Boreanazes of the world. You want women to go for the unassuming men such as yourself.

Jennifer Love Hewitt (‘House Arrest’ and recently, ‘Ghost Whisperer’)

You like alpha-females, girls who literally do it all: acting, singing, writing, arousing, ghost-whispering. They’re the cool girls in class and as much as you want to hate them for being perfect, you end up trying to figure out their perfection and getting smitten in the process.

The Jennifer Love Hewitts of the world give you the impression that they want to be cool with you and you absent-mindedly agree. Suddenly you’re her college group mate, lunch mate, then God knows what mate. Then suddenly you realize you haven’t even started becoming her group mate yet; it was all a dream and your eyes are moist as you clutch a foul-smelling pillow nearby.

Rachel Leigh Cook (‘She’s All That’)

This time, you’re not the unassuming person; she is, and you love, love, love it. You like imagining yourself as a jock who turns unpopular introverts into hot baby cakes. You’re the type who can fall in like with someone at the mere sight of eyeglasses and a The Shins MP3 on her iPhone. It’s something you can’t control. You’re crazy for artsy Laney Boggs look-alikes because they soften your jock game and boost your entry-level hipster look.

Winona Ryder (‘Reality Bites’ and recently, ‘Black Swan’)

You like the cool things, bruh. Liking Wino is hips as ever, regardless of year. If you liked her in her ‘90s prime, though, you were definitely into all the cool things of that era as well, like MTV Alternative Nation, “The Colour and the Shape”-era Foo Fighters, the original lineup of Hole, the original lineup of most bands, oversized flannel shirts, everything and anything undie (underground). As a guy, you may have even prayed to Johnny Depp.

If you happen to be a recent fan of hers, then you are a notch less cool, but still cool. You’re the type that, up until now, still denies Wino’s Saks adventure despite her conviction in 2001. But as much as you’re a fan of her ways, you also look for a relationship that has “Wino Forever” inked all over it. You’re wired to like a girl who’s successful but channels the right level of slacker chic in her life. Then again, Winona was someone who suffered the pains of excessive “It Girl” status, so good luck, buddy.

Beverley Mitchell  (‘7th Heaven’)

You’re a child-hearted guy who probably named his pillow Lucy Camden right after the first season of 7th Heaven. You can’t wait to see her for CCF on the weekends, and you secretly check National Bookstore for Bo Sanchez’s new book on inspiration. Crushing on Lucy Camden is a good dude thing to do, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a secret folder in your computer called “LCY CMDN” where photos of Lucy are arranged by age.

Amy Jo Johnson (‘Power Rangers’)

You dig athletic girls, possibly from judo class. As the Pink Ranger, she was quick, gymnastic, in costume, and strong enough to defeat monsters like the Terror Toad. You would basically do anything for a modern version of this girl.

For someone who excelled in controlling zords like the Crane Ninjazord, the Pink Ranger is easily the geek’s favorite, but she obviously implies more than that. If you’re into her, you love going to Timezone for dates and holding serious reenactment activities in an empty lot somewhere in The Fort.