How to become a manic pixie dream girl

For all the lovely lolas who read our column, first of all, thank you for reading. And second, you might have read the title and are asking what a manic pixie dream girl is. Before you ask your grandkids to Google it on the Google thing, we’ll just explain it to you ourselves. A manic pixie dream girl has become a clichéd film character. Like the anti-hero action star or the evil villain with a white cat, the manic pixie dream girl or MPDG is a female character that personifies the adventures and excitement, the male protagonist must attain. She serves as the bridge from the boring status quo that is the male protagonist’s life to the life of mystery that awaits him. If you are in fact a lola, then the closest you may have seen of an MPDG is Audrey Hepburn’s character in Roman Holiday. If you are not a lola but would want to be an MPDG, we got you covered too.

Cut your hair short

Arguably the first manic pixie dream girl, Audrey Hepburn made the pixie cut famous in Roman Holiday. People have said that Hepburn actually played the MPDG in Breakfast at Tiffany’s but those people should not be taken seriously. In Roman Holiday Hepburn plays a princess who wants to get away from the blandness of being royalty and just have a fun day all to herself and Gregory Peck. If you have any doubt how influential her haircut is, just look at the closest thing we have to an MPDG now, Anne Hathaway. So for aspiring MPDGs, you will definitely not find a young writer with the face of Gregory Peck, so do the next best thing and get that hurrr did.

Be really, really, into music like that’s the only thing you care about

Music is a huge part of an MPDG’s life. It’s probably the biggest slice in that proverbial pie. From Zooey Deschanel’s Summer invading a man’s personal space just so she can tell him she loves The Smiths to Emma Watson’s Sam in Perks of Being a Wallflower climbing up her car once she hears that song she can’t stop thinking about, music for a manic pixie dream girl is like that last sip of whiskey for an alcoholic, or better yet, that last pair of cyan-colored Ray-Bans for a faux-hipster. Remember: the older and more obscure the song, the more “cred” you’ll get as an MPDG. So sorry, 1D fans, you’ll have to wait 30 more years for people to think you’re that cool chick who taught them how to live while we’re young.

Have a quirky trait/talent

After surviving the tragedy that was the Star Wars prequels, Natalie Portman became infinitely lovable in the film Garden State. She introduced 13-year-old boys everywhere to The Shins, ran around avoiding getting hit by a falling arrow, and tap-danced beside a fireplace, three elements that make up a true MPDG. The quirkiest thing she did in the movie however is (in her own words) this: “You know what I do when I’m feeling completely unoriginal? I make a noise or I do something that no one else has ever done. And then I feel like… unique again; even if only for a second.” Whether you want to be an MPDG or Natalie Portman, we’re betting it’s easier for you to learn from Garden State instead of turning into a mutant swan.

Have a rock star for an ex-boyfriend

In the make-believe world of the manic pixie dream girl, the young geeky boy is the knight in shining armor, and the dragon that must be slayed is her rock star ex-boyfriend. From Ang Nawawala’s Enid and Almost Famous’s Penny Lane, a true manic pixie dream girl needs to have a relationship and eventual bad breakup with a rock star. If you really want to be an MPDG, you first have to experience the reckless love of a rock star before appreciating the sexless aphrodisiac that is the geek. Spoiler Alert: MPDGs don’t necessarily have to end up with those yucky geeks.

Act mysterious and hide a damaging secret about yourself from that young writer you keep flirting with

Because nothing makes a manic pixie dream girl hotter when guys feel like you’re hiding something from him, which is what Kristen Stewart exactly did to Jesse Eisenberg in Adventureland. After all the stolen glances and the sure-fire combo that is the swaying your hair to the side while smiling, nothing got Eisenberg more fired up than wanting to know what K-Stew was hiding. Spoiler Alert: It was Ryan Reynolds. So if you’ve been wanting to get that Jewish-looking boy you saw at the Collective to be into you, look at him with your eyes as if you’re telling him you have daddy issues.

BONUS: Become Fictional

Because Manic Pixie Dream Girls do not exist.