The geek’s guide to getting hoth and heavy

MANILA, Philippines - It doesn’t pay to be a geek in a John Hughes movie. The ‘80s notion of geekdom is usually the annoying, talkative, homely-looking guys — a role built for a few laughs and to create a bit of tension between Molly Ringwald and the token pretty boy. Think about it: Duckie got Kristy Swanson, but never the prom date he deserved; The Geek got Sam’s panties, but she ended up blowing candles with the jock.

However, times have changed: girls are just as geeky as guys. Armed with wisdom cultivated from Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes and a certain disposition for oddball Jordan Catalano-types, a geeky girl can traverse the time vortex and potentially rematerialize in front of you if you push the right buttons on her TARDIS. Young Star gives you a few pointers on how to nab a potential mate so that you can avoid being a genetic dead-end.

Compatibility issues

The first thing to consider when scouring for a geeky girl is YOU. Of course you know what you’re interested in: the kind of books you read, your Top 3 Wes Anderson film soundtracks, your strong loathing for Jar-Jar Binks. These are crucial data that you can use to cross-examine your potential mate. Remember: You are not a unique snowflake because somewhere in the galaxy, there is a girl who knows the difference between a treble and a tribble. Think about those qualities hard enough until she manifests à la Ruby Sparks.

Reconnaissance mission

Now that you have a girl in mind, time to scout for someone to fit the bill. For us basement dwellers, the best place to find her is on the Internet. Check your timelines and feeds to search for signs of nerdery. She might post a funny .gif on Tumblr or share a hands-on demo of the iPad Mini. If you’re feeling a bit social, hit a local gallery opening, go to a show with a bunch of indie bands, check out a comic convention, or loiter around Cubao X. If you’re into movies, there are film festivals. Bookstores are geek-friendly as well. If you do spot a girl that you like, grab your yarbles and introduce yourself. It’s important to always shoot first not only in intergalactic battles, but in conversations as well. However, be wary of nerdy pick up lines because they’re still pick-up lines and are generally stupid.

5 geeky pick-up lines to avoid

• I bet I can make you Squirtle.

• What’s the alignment of your breasts? They look lawful good.

• Assimilate me, baby. Resistance is futile.

• The Force is strong in the general direction of my crotch.

• You’ve Obi-wandered into my heart.

If your recon mission fails, worry not for the princess might be in another castle.

Put on your invisibility cloak and stalk her

Granted that your mission was a success, it’s time to do some research. It is of the utmost importance to know what she likes, whatever makes her happy, and feel complete. Below is a list of useful websites can help you pinpoint what makes your nerdy girl tingle:

• Facebook. Easily the best way to know what she’s into (or whether she’s in a relationship). If you see The Big Bang Theory on her Likes Page, it also gives you ample time to unfriend her.

• Last.fm/Spotify. To know what she’s listening to. Owl City: Bad. Wild Nothing: Good. Pokemon Movie OST: Jackpot.

• Twitter. To know what she’s thinking about. She might tweet about a book she’s reading or a show she’s watching.

• Wikipedia – For when you encounter something that is outside the realms of your nerdiness.

Time to push

If you think that you know her well enough through the public information on her social media accounts, it’s time to know her as deeply as the Marianas Trench. The only way to do this is to talk to her face to face, like a real person would. Meaning: Ask her out. This can range from the dinner-and-a-movie type, to more geek-friendly activities like watching cult movies or scouring for second-hand comics at Booksale. Once you find the common ground among your interests, it’s easy to find the right references that can make her laugh. Keep on grinding until you increase your INT about her. Trade items (mixtapes, useless knowledge, tips on how to improve your game on Halo 4) and continue power-leveling together. The more time you spend with her, the more XP you gain. Repeat process until your party levels up.

Be consistent

Always remember that you’re dating a girl. Sure, she’s geeky, but she still will probably drag you along to shoe shopping. There will be arguments about the ending of Inception and whether Looper is left without loopholes. She will have the same temperaments that most girls would have, and not everything will be like Marshall and Lilly on How I Met Your Mother. Being consistent is what most girls would look out for. Oh, and don’t forget that “Urkuk lu Stalga” is “I love you, baby” in Klingon.