Five questions with two Spider-men

It’s not that we hated The Amazing Spider-Man. Well, Jonty hated it. He hated it a lot. On the average, it was just “okay lang.” It was no one’s lone fault. It could have been Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire’s fault for giving us two spectacular Spider-Man movies. They did set a pretty high bar for the reboot. It could have been Christopher Nolan’s fault. He successfully made a Batman reboot just years after the last Batman movie and made everyone think reboots were easy to do. It could even be Jonty’s fault for expecting too much from the movie, after seeing Boy A, (500) Days of Summer and all those pictures of Emma Stone. So instead of pointing fingers and complaining on Twitter, we decided to get the answers from the man himself: The Amazing Spider-Man. After several attempts, he was still unavailable for the interview. So we did the next best thing and interviewed Fake 2001 Spider-Man and his twin brother, Fake 2012 Spider-Man. Here is the 100-percent unbiased interview.

YOUNG STAR: Thanks for doing this interview, despite the short notice. We’re really huge fans of yours and this is such an honor!

Fake 2001 Movie Spider-Man: Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man at your service! But really, thanks guys! It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these things.

Fake 2012 Movie Spider-Man: ‘Sup?

So the movie reboot just opened to a commercial success in the Philippines. Most of the cinemas only showed your movie.

2001SM: That’s so great! Anything to keep the franchise alive, I’m for it! And I hope the fans liked it!

2012SM: Wasn’t that crane scene awesome!?

There have been some fans out there who’ve been saying that it’s really different from the Spider-Man they grew up with. We wanted to take this opportunity to talk to the both of you about their concerns. First of all, how’d you get your powers?

2001SM: Our school had a science field trip to Columbia University, and I was really excited. Things were going well. Mary Jane was there; I was learning so many things. I was taking photos of Mary Jane when all of a sudden one of the genetically modified spiders bit me at random.

2012SM: I went to OSCORP, but not for a school field trip. I stole the ID of one of the kids who earned their right to be at OSCORP, but anyway! I snooped around OSCORP and snuck into one of their research labs and came across a room full of spiders and one of them bit me. What were the odds?!

Thanks! It seems there were certain differences in your origin story. But let’s move on to more serious topics. How did your Uncle Ben die?

Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst smolder in the rain for Sam Raimi’s original trilogy.

2001SM: We fought for a bit when he was trying to tell me something important and I lied to him that I had to rush to the library. But really, I went to a wrestling contest to win some money. You see, I wanted to impress Mary Jane, so if I won the wrestling match, I’d be able to get a car and I’d impress her. The promoter didn’t give me the money that was promised to me, so when a criminal stole the promoter’s money, I let him get away. Because of my selfishness and lack of action to take him down, that same criminal eventually took the life of my Uncle Ben.

2012SM: I fought with Uncle Ben too. I was so mad that I decided to storm out of the house and get me some chocolate milk! The cashier told me that I lacked two cents to get my chocolate milk and that pissed me off. The guy after me was a criminal too, and he gave me my chocolate milk after he stole money from the cash register. I let that criminal go and eventually he also killed my Uncle Ben.

Do you remember what your Uncle Ben’s last words to you were?

2001SM: “With great power comes great responsibility.”

2012SM: I don’t remember exactly what he said. It was a bit long, to be honest. But it was something like that.

Let’s talk about your love life. You both experienced your first kiss after becoming Spider-Man.

Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield take shelter in the 2012 reboot.

2001SM: Yes, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was patrolling the streets of New York and saw Mary Jane in a bad neighborhood. A couple of muggers harassed her and I rushed to defend her and fight the muggers. I flirted with her a bit after and she kissed me while I was upside-down hanging from a web. It was pretty romantic.

2012SM: I had just insulted Gwen Stacy’s father. He was a cop and I told him that what he had been doing his whole life was less than what I had been able to do as Spider-Man. I was excused from the dinner table and left with Gwen. We were flirting a bit and eventually I had to prove to her I was Spider-Man. I could’ve just literally told her I was Spider-Man but instead I used my web-shooter to pull her back to me and we made out. I think I hit her butt with my web-shooter too.

You’re both very lucky to have such amazing women in your life. Last question: how many times did you take off your mask in the movie?

2001SM: Once, twice at most.

2012SM: Every chance I got.

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What did you think of The Amazing Spider-Man? Did you like Sam Raimi’s version better or Marc Webb’s? E-mail us at jiggyandjonty@gmail.com and follow us on Twitter @jiggycruz and @littlejontycruz. Thwip!