Why I finally committed to a bro

The waiting game: Josie Geller (played by Drew Barrymore) from the 1998 movie Never Been Kissed waited 25 years for her love life to finally jumpstart — mine just being 4 years shy of hers.

MANILA, Philippines - I remember being 17 years old and a freshman in college when my friend started going out with her first boyfriend. They swore they had a deep connection, but frankly, they were incessant lip smackers more than anything else. As cringe-worthy as I felt PDA to be, especially since they were just a few feet away when they’d make out, I felt a tiny pang of jealousy. She actually had someone and that’s more than I can say for myself. I eventually did have a boyfriend, though — just four years into the future.

People find it so hard to believe whenever I tell them I’ve only had one boyfriend ever, and at 21 at that. Most have often wondered why I only committed to a bro now, and it definitely had something to do with my past quasi-boyfriends. And, of course, me.

Bros of Relationships Past

I’ve had my fair share of guy relationships albeit without the official boyfriend status. It’s definitely not a Kim Kardashian rap sheet of beaus-gone-bad, but all the boys that ever came close to (or wasn’t even near) the legitimate title, rounded up to a resounding three.

I met Guy No. 1 when we were 13. I was a clean-cut Catholic schoolgirl and he was a solid tween chain smoker. I tried to overlook his habit by thinking that his educational background from a prestigious all-boys school (hint: they stand on hills) would be enough for me, but it wasn’t. Guy No. 2, on the other hand, was star-crossed from the get-go. Not only was he leaving for school in the states when we first met, but he was also training to become a priest. I could only fight so much for the sake of love, but I wasn’t about to go head to head with the Messiah. Out of the trio, Guy No. 3 was the closest that ever got to the title round. Since I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend until after college, we settled on a mutual understanding clause. After 10 short months, it ended. It was one of the hardest things I had to come to terms with, but I eventually did.

All three failed conquests stemmed not only from the guys, but also from a series of problems that even I didn’t know I had. Saying yes to a bro was definitely harder than I originally pegged it to be.

Why I Didn’t Commit To Those Bros

There’s a multitude of reasons why I never committed to those bros. One would be that my relationship priorities before were so skewed. Guy No. 1 was a shining testament to this. I wanted a boyfriend for all the wrong reasons, and maybe that’s why I couldn’t really commit to him. I was too afraid to follow through with what I shallowly wanted, and getting cold feet before actually committing to one person was a repeated dilemma. The fear would always lead me to flake, plus an added bonus of cowardly blaming everyone but myself.

Another reason would probably be my parents. They would never dictate how I should go about my relationships; rather, they would just often remind me that relationships are hard work and having a heavy responsibility at such a young age would be hard. Without uttering words of force, I immediately felt compelled to obey them. I was so completely faithful to their advice that whenever an opportunity for an official boyfriend status presented itself during my teen years, I would suddenly be harassed by the guilt police. It was an incredibly difficult burden to bear, so I didn’t bear it at all.

Lastly, let’s not forget my strong idealism. I’ve always had this specific vision of how my first relationship was going to be like (think preppy power couple), and I somehow felt that the past boys just never came close. In retrospect, only now do I realize how utterly demented and unfair I was both to them and to myself. I applied unnecessary pressure on Guy No. 3 as I tried to mold him into this person that he wasn’t, and it completely backfired. I inadvertently changed how I approached relationships after that. I had to find a balance between realism and my utopia, and perhaps I did.

Mission control: Never ever try to control your partner or force him to change who he is. It didn’t matter that G-Girl in My Super Ex-Girlfriend (played by Uma Thurman) was a superhero; she lost her man anyway for being an incessant nag.

After Guy No. 3, the ideals, the guilt and the pressures of having a boyfriend just stopped. I changed my focus from forcing my relationships to work and put it all towards other things like school and my career. Before I knew it, Guy No. 4 unexpectedly came into my life and that was that. I considered him a worthy bro because I felt that his feelings were sincere and that he liked me for just being myself and not for any other reason. It’s a cringe-worthy cliché, but it’s the God’s honest truth. It’s actually pretty great that I made all those mistakes in the past, because I was able to apply what I learned from them now. My parents were right — relationships are hard work, and the advantage of having a relationship with a mature mindset is that I had a better grasp of handling work, emotions and everything in between. The bottom line is, I only committed to a bro now because not only is he a great bro, but also because only now was I finally ready to commit.

Looking back, I could’ve actually had a boyfriend at an earlier age, but it probably wouldn’t be for the best. I firmly believe that everything happened for a reason because that meant that all the hardships that I went through then have led me to become indubitably happy with my one and only bro today.