Love in a hopeless place

MANILA, Philippines - Rihanna Strikes Back,” read the Rolling Stone cover. It was April 2011, two years and two months after pop star Rihanna and her R&B star/boyfriend Chris Brown made headlines fora pre-Grammy altercation that got out of hand, and eventually led to Brown pleading guilty to criminal assault. Bruised and bloody, the pop princess missed her Grammy performance that year, but her Rolling Stone cover years later didn’t miss a beat: While the metallic piece of fabric she was wearing on the cover had sex written all over it, Rihanna’s expression only had room for one question  “Yeah? What else can you throw at me?” “We don’t have to talk ever again in my life,” she would say about Brown in the article.

Fast-forward to last Tuesday, Feb. 20, and things were looking a lot less hostile. On the Barbadian singer’s birthday, she replied “Thanks!” to Brown’s “HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROBYN!” tweet. Maybe it’s a simple case of not necessarily getting wiser with age; maybe RiRi just needed to feel like she was the only girl in the world again. It might have been just a no-frills response to an equally straightforward birthday greeting, but where Rihanna presumably just meant to show gratitude, the whole world saw possible forgiveness  and no one was drinking to that.

A day after what people were calling a “Rhi-lapse,” Rihanna dropped another birthday bomb. Turns out Brown and RiRi weren’t just gliding along polite, post-relationship (post-abuse?) terms, they were also collaborating on each other’s singles  Rihanna on Brown’s Turn It Up and Brown on Rihanna’s full-length version of Birthday Cake. Lyrics on one of Brown’s verses on Cake goes, “Girl I wanna f**k you right now /been a long time, I’ve been missing your body.” I don’t know Chris, maybe giving her a black eye two years ago had something to do with why she hasn’t been around much?

While Rihanna never built herself up to be a role model for anyone (the thought of 10-year-olds singing “Sex in the air/I don’t care/I love the smell of it” is probably enough to give any lola a heart attack), what confounds a lot of people about this professional (at the very least) “Rhi-conciliation” is the possibility of it being interpreted as, “Hey, you beat me up two years ago, but hey, we make great music together! Quits na tayo?”

Domestic disturbia

As it goes with all romantic relationships  and not just those between two industry icons with sadomasochistic tendencies  if you aren’t part of the pair, you can never tell what goes on between two people with a connection. However, while we try extra hard not to judge RiRi and Breezy, it’s definitely something we can learn from  we draw the line on relationship abuse. Whether it’s emotional abuse, physical violence or sexual abuse, getting involved with someone who makes you feel and look like sh*t, is not okay.

The thing is, a bad romance doesn’t necessarily manifest physically. Sure, harmless teasing and dropping the occasional cuss word aren’t necessarily causes for alarm. But when these escalate to verbal threats and intentional humiliation, there’s really nothing left to say but run  and run fast. A good number of people stay in relationships pelted with emotional and verbal abuse under the troubling misconception that for as long as you aren’t in physical pain, you’re okay. You may not have the bruises to show for it, but having someone constantly breathing negativity down your neck inflicts just as much pain in the long run.

Just the same, being forced to do something you aren’t comfortable with is an unquestionable mark of sexual abuse. Never, ever feel obligated to do something you aren’t ready for or aren’t open to  if they love you, they will wait. If you don’t want to, then it shouldn’t matter.

Relationship abuse takes on its most apparent form in physical abuse. RiRi’s frightening punching bag photos will tell you no less. Rage, no matter how heightened, is never an excuse to push, slap, punch or beat anyone. What worries everyone who adores Rihanna  pretty much anyone who has danced to Don’t Stop the Music in a club, or has sung to We Found Love in the shower  is that abuse is a cycle that’s difficult to stop. Once someone hits you, there’s no absolute way to know if he or she can stop. And the victim might not even be much helpsometimes even giving the abuser a few chances. This might be the case for Rihanna and Chris. Just three years after that fateful night, everything looks forgiven and forgotten.

While persistence and commitment are admirable qualities, love doesn’t always have to hurt so bad. After all, in Rihanna’s own words, “Life’s too short to be sittin’ round miserable.”