You and Me Song
Some years ago, I used to write a relationship advice column for a men’s magazine, which is not unlike Donald Duck giving lessons in proper diction. Once in a while, though, I would get questions related to topics on which I had a firmer grasp — like music. Here is one of those questions, and my answer.
“My girlfriend and I are musically incompatible. She doesn’t like my music and I don’t like hers. We’re planning to get married, but what happens when we’re sharing a house — and a stereo? What should we do?”
Break up. Now. This can only end in tears. Don’t believe me? When she’s blasting her Norwegian death metal during Sunday morning breakfast and you’re playing the smooth yacht-rock stylings of Christopher Cross on long weekend road trips, you’ll remember my advice, and regret not taking it.
All right, maybe it’s not completely hopeless. I suppose it depends partially on how wide the gap is between your musical tastes. Maybe she only listens to ‘90s West Coast hip-hop and you are partial to the East Coast (or the South). We can work with that. Or she believes that only Metallica’s first couple albums are worth listening to while you secretly think the “Black Album” was their best. Or she likes Nickelback and — wait a second. All of a sudden we’re right back to “Break up with her.”
LMFAO: Further grounds for breaking up If the gap isn’t that wide, then some common ground may be possible. If she’s an easy listening freak and you like indie guitar-pop, then she might be open to, say, Belle and Sebastian (and if you ever invite me to your sleepy-tuned abode, please remind me to ingest massive amounts of caffeine beforehand). Think about your respective preferences and — yes — make playlists for each other. Best of all is if you get a feel for the things you both enjoy and go out and actually discover new bands or acts together. Real music obsessives can get territorial and weird about the bands that they’ve loved since forever; new music sidesteps that trap. I would like to believe that anyone who is truly passionate about any sort of music (even if it’s LMFAO… okay, maybe there are exceptions) will be open to appreciating other forms, even if it takes weeks of strapping them into a chair with refrigerator-size speakers pointed at them.
Still, there’s always the chance that the two of you turn out to be totally, hopelessly incompatible when it comes to music. In which case, there are inventions like portable music devices (you may have heard of them; your phone is probably one and you might not even know it) that enable you to enjoy yourselves without getting on each other’s nerves. And while the joys of shared musical discovery may be denied you, this may just sharpen your appreciation for the other things you love about your partner. For instance, she may be filthy rich.
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Do you have un-Googlable music-related questions that are keeping you up at night? Just put it on Twitter with an @luiskatigbak on it and I’ll see what I can do.
