The Young Star Guide to Fag HagsKalurky! Chos! Teh!
MANILA, Philippines - Whoever says gay men aren’t into women is gravely misinformed. As someone who’s been around some of the gayest blocks in the neighborhood, let me tell you — they allow natural-born ladies like me to live there, too. Yup, sometimes they even share their beds with women! Shocking and true!
I’m not saying that gay guys like to “sexy time” their female friends. What I’m trying to underscore here is the very intricate dynamic that exists between guys like them and girls like me. You have the girls who like hanging out with gay men, and then you have the fag hags.
Some say “fag hag” is a pejorative term; I say “whatever.” I would not have survived all of my 25 years on this planet without my relationships with my gay friends. I wouldn’t be who I am today had it not been for the gays. That is how much I value and respect their opinion, their companionship, and their all-out take on life. They are some of the strongest people I know. Being gay isn’t easy, so give all your gay friends a round of applause because they are survivors.
A common misconception an outsider could have about fag/hag friendships is that they are silly and superficial. Don’t we wish it were really that easy? The platonic relationship a gay man has with a straight woman is just as rewarding and frustrating as any other sort of personal entanglement. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and believe me, you will bitch at each other. In the end, you’ll both walk away with the kind of insight and perspective you wouldn’t get from anyone else.
Pop culture either glamorizes or caricatures fag hag relationships. In the real world, the most important characteristic of such involvements is that they are genuine and sincere. Just because we don’t kiss and make out (well sometimes it happens when we’re drunk), it doesn’t make what we have less significant.
So what does it take to be a true-blue fag hag? A pair of balls just as big as your gay friends’, that’s what. Every girl has it, it’s like an inner strength that you have to tap into and hone. For the sake of this piece, however, let me illuminate you with five stereotypes of girls who are commonly seen buzzing around the gays of Manila:
The Bitch
She’s the most intimidating girl in the room. The Bitch brings it. She won’t talk to you unless she wants to and if she does, she will not mince her words. She is hypercritical of girls, boys, and everyone in general. Gay guys appreciate her candor, her steely gaze, and her ability to make everyone tremble in fear before she even opens her mouth.
The Bungangera
“HOY GIRL!” Did you hear that? That’s Ms. Bungangera herself, the subwoofer of the gay community. You won’t need a megaphone when you’re rolling with her, as she will announce your crew’s arrival with her trademark loudness. For some curious reason, she also seems to know everyone’s secrets. It doesn’t really make sense since she’s not exactly the type of person you’d speak to in a whisper. Maybe she picks up all the gossip while her head is in the shampoo bowl at the salon.
The Ugly Duckling
According to my best friend Jordan, we mustn’t forget about this chick “because we were all ugly ducklings until we became the beautiful black swans we are today.” The Ugly Duckling was the graceless little thing everyone ignored or ridiculed before her grand metamorphosis. Traces of her awkwardness are still tangible despite her jaw-dropping good looks, which makes her even cuter. Gay men can relate to her because she knows what it’s like to be made fun of, only to come out on top and have the last laugh!
The Sex Kitten
If they were ever to remake Ina Raymundo’s iconic “Sabado Nights” beer commercial, your friend the Sex Kitten would be gunning for the main role. Oozing with carnal appeal and makes no bones about it. She’s a little slutty, but her wit and sense of self-awareness enable her to harness the power of her sexuality. There is something very endearing about her almost-naked ways, and come on what kind man (gay or straight) wouldn’t want to be in her company?
The Santa-Santita
The very prim and dainty Santa-Santita is the lissome flower who lives vicariously through her gay friends’ stories. A girl of the utmost polish, she giggles shyly as her pals regale her with stories of what went down (and with whom) the night before. Underneath her lacquered demeanor is a fire that burns, but she is far too proper to let it rage. So she’ll just listen. She is also the kind of girl gay men would say they would want to be, had they been born female.
