Golden rules for younger brothers

In a TV show I watched a few months ago, there was a scene where a little girl’s parents were asking her if she wanted a new brother or sister. The kid enthusiastically said yes.

I don’t remember my parents asking me anything about wanting siblings. Being a toddler at the time, I guess I didn’t have a choice in the matter anyway. All I recall is that one moment I’m an only child, and the next — ta dah! — I have a new baby brother, Kado!

My memories of our first years together are vague — my mind just conjures up images of the two of us wearing matching 101 Dalmatians T-shirts, and riding bikes in Luneta. I do remember one mishap when he was three or four years old. It was almost bedtime and we were on my parents’ bed. I was jumping around when I suddenly landed on his legs. He started crying and my parents demanded to know what had happened. I blamed him, of course, for being in the way, and proclaimed that he didn’t break any bones anyway. Needless to say, I didn’t win that argument.

Ever since we were little, the two of us have had spats. We’re typical in that sense: ate and bunso always fighting for that last slice of cake, for the remote control, for mommy and daddy’s attention.

I know many other girls who are in the same boat I’m in. We’ve often talked about our baby bros and found that we share many similar experiences. We made up what we think are rules that younger brothers learn the minute they’re born.

Rule #1: You must hate being called “baby” brother.

Kado always complains when I refer to him as my baby brother. He’s not a baby, he says. My friend’s brother is even pickier. He refuses to be addressed as “little brother,” because — you guessed it — he’s not little anymore.

Although I see nothing wrong with being called baby or little, I’ve learned to stop calling my brother those words. Other girls insist on using the adjective just to peeve their brothers. I see nothing wrong with that either.

Rule #2: You must do disgusting things that will gross out your Ate.

There is a world of possible things that a young (and even a not-so-young) boy can do to disgust his sister. The most popular ones include: eating their boogers, playing with spiders and cockroaches, wiping dirt on their clothes, farting and announcing it to everyone, and scratching their butts (or that other part of their anatomy that always seems to be itchy) in public.

Think Calvin from the “Calvin and Hobbes” comic strip, who plays in mud and refuses to take baths, and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what I mean. My brother’s major annoying habits are belching (he can even do it at will, just like our dad), leaving dirty clothes in the bathroom, and other things too gross to mention here. As far as disgusting goes, I got off easy on this rule.

Rule #3: You must always complain about whatever your sister does.

Since Kado isn’t particularly disgusting, he makes up for it by being always complaining about the smallest things. Whether it’s “Mom, sis is taking so long in the bathroom!” or “Dad, sis is sleeping again!” or “Sis, stop singing! You’re so sintonadissimo (Kado-speak for very sintonado)!” Kado complains about me all the time.

Is it so wrong to spend a few more minutes in the bathroom, or sleep a few extra minutes, or sing? By the way, I don’t sing out of tune! And I don’t complain when he plays the music too loud or plays video games all day.

My friends share my sentiments. The only thing we complain about constantly is that our brothers are always complaining about us.

Rule #4: You must grow taller than your sister and tease her about being a “shorty.”

Once puberty hits, little bros who look up to their big sisters become big bros who look down on their sisters’ shortness. “Tatangkad ka din ate! Tatangkad ka din with Growee!” (“You’ll grow taller, Sis! You’ll grow taller with Growee!) is a joke my friend’s brother always says when his sister can’t reach something on a high shelf. He eventually gets it for her, but not before sing-songing his joke and having a good laugh at her expense.

Though not as mean as the other boys, my brother has his own way of pointing out that he’s the big boss now. He always stands beside me and looks pointedly at the top of my head before measuring the difference in our heights with his hand. It’s not such a big difference! He cheats anyway by standing on tiptoe. Bitter much?

Rule #5: You must beat your sister at everything.

Sports, videogames, board games — you name it, my brother has probably beaten me at it. I’m positive that I have never won against him in any videogame, even Tetris. When we play board games, we both cheat, but more often than not, he’s the one who wins. And when he’s about to lose, he goes off in a huff and quits. So I’ve never really bested him except by default.

Boys are just so competitive, even if they’re just competing against their poor, long-suffering sisters. It’s sibling rivalry fueled by testosterone and a need to always outdo the girls.

To summarize, we also have a golden rule for brothers: Be annoying.

But, annoying as they are, brothers can also be sweet and funny. Like Kado, they may be great impersonators and singers, and best of all, great protectors. They may get on our nerves sometimes (okay, most of the time), but we’d never trade them in for any other.

Someone once said that friends are the family that we get to choose. We didn’t choose our brothers and sisters; we didn’t get the chance. God made the choice for us and God knows best. Our siblings are the best people we could ever meet, and He made them our family so that we wouldn’t have to search for them anymore. 

I don’t know what I would have said if my parents has asked me if I wanted a brother. I’m just glad that they gave me one anyway.