How do I get my boyfriend to control his drinking?
Dear Maimai, China and Tingting,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. He’s a great guy, stable, very thoughtful, sincere and I know he loves me. My only problem is that when he drinks, either with his friends or even with me in social gatherings, he always gets drunk. Although he doesn’t turn violent or noisy, it’s still irritating. I’ve talked to him about it, but he said it’s just an outlet and for me to give him a break. What should I do? Designated Driver
Maybe you didn’t explain yourself well enough. He probably doesn’t realize that if the relationship is to last, there will be more social gatherings to attend and many other guys’ night out. If he isn’t able to control his drink intake and it continues to irritate you, it might eventually be the cause of bigger arguments. The issue should be settled now. On the other hand, if and when he agrees to talk about it more seriously, you have to be careful not to be too pushy especially because he already asked if you could give him a break. Be sensible and practical when you talk to him. Simply tell him why it’s important that he is able to hold his alcohol when he’s out. China
How often does he drink? If he doesn’t drink that often, maybe you should really just give him a break. Let him have his fun and remind him to take it easy on the drinks before he gets to the venue so that you don’t embarrass him. You can also quietly monitor how much he’s drinking from afar. However, if he drinks often, then I think it’s more serious. You must insist in talking about the problem again. Let him know exactly why it irritates you when he gets drunk. Does he get fresh? Does he embarrass you in other ways? He should know how you feel about his drinking especially if you intend to pursue a long-term relationship with him. Maimai
Three years is a long time and there will be more parties to go to in the future. I think you should be more understanding and tolerant of your boyfriend principally because you mentioned that he isn’t violent nor rowdy when he gets drunk. A guy needs to have his fun too. It’s very difficult to find a guy who really loves you and seeing that he does, I suggest that you be more broad-minded. After all, nobody is perfect. That said, I also think that he should understand that you see it as a problem in your relationship. You must find a realistic compromise to solve it if both of you expect the relationship to progress. Tingting
