We live in a time when “dinner with the family” sounds more like a special occasion instead of a daily routine. School fills our hours with homework, work brings us home late, and technology fights for our attention. I’m sure we still all love to eat, but when we’ve got busy schedules and tight deadlines, we just scarf something down to keep our stomachs from growling. Sit-down meals have become time-consuming and unnecessary.
When I was a kid, dinner was a sacred time for my family. It wasn’t mandatory or anything. My parents didn’t have to drag us to the dinner table and force us to clean our plates. It was all very natural, a part of our common daily routine. When someone called us for dinner, we stopped whatever we were doing and headed to the dining room to eat. Nobody took calls or watched TV while we had dinner.
Years later, we’re all professionals, and sadly we no longer get to eat dinner together regularly. However, we always look forward to our family lunch or dinner on the weekends. Meals are such happy occasions for us. Aside from the fact that we love to eat, we enjoy eating together even more. We’re completely ourselves with each other. We share our food, shell out advice, laugh at our long-running jokes, and update each other on our lives. It’s part of the reason why none of us can ever endure the famous After-Six diet, where you don’t eat anything after 6 p.m. We sit down just to accompany the non-dieters in the family as they eat. We start talking, pop a couple of enticing morsels of food in our mouths for a little taste, and before we know it, we’re gnawing on the last piece of chicken. Dinner has just become part of our family life.
I never thought much of our nightly dinners, but now I’m reading The Surprising Power of Family Meals: How Eating Together Makes Us Smarter, Stronger, Healthier and Happier by Miriam Weinstein, and I’m amazed at how important the family dinner really is. Research shows that regular family dinners have an incredible and positive impact on the lives and well-being of children. Teenagers who eat family dinners five or more nights a week are almost twice as likely to get As in school, less stressed, and less likely to try cigarettes, drugs or alcohol. Nightly dinners can teach and promote proper nutrition to children, discouraging obesity or eating disorders. It also gives them a strong sense of self and emotional stability.
The simple act of having dinner every night creates a family ritual. Simple activities, when repeated night after night, become “the road maps of our lives.” We are able to create stability and recognize change — when a member of the family isn’t around, you notice it right away. This helps us define who we are, even if it’s as simple as liking pan de sal or whole wheat bread. When you eat dinner at someone else’s house, you never feel quite at ease because the differences are so stark. They serve water in a different bottle, the kids get served first instead of the dad, or they serve their soup in a bowl, not a cup. According to Weinstein, “Time is how we measure out our lives.” Ritual condenses our experiences to their very essence,
We all exchange stories over dinner, and I’ve never realized how important this is. When parents share stories about their own lives, even if they just tell quick anecdotes, this gives the children a sense of who they are and a sense of belonging. They get to know and understand their parents more today and where they came from. Participating in the conversation teaches children social skills, from how to shift from topic to topic, to requesting clarification of a vague or unclear statement. These are priceless opportunities where children can practice without feeling conscious or shy. Even more, it’s a chance for them to hone their manners. Most people learn their table manners from their family dinners, so when presented correctly, children absorb and carry these manners with them.
These are just some of many benefits, and all from simply having dinner with the family every night. Looking at my own family, I would have to say I’m definitely a believer in the power of family meals. My friends always ask what my family’s secret is — all of us are well-rounded and well-adjusted achievers in our own ways. My mother calls us the “hungry detergents” when we’re yawping about how hungry we are (she likens us to Pacman-looking detergents in a TV ad a long time ago, where the “hungry detergents” gobbled up all the dirt from the clothes), but even our parents cherish our meals together. Quality time results in a quality bond, like the one my close, tightly-knit family shares. Yes, we love food, but as Weinstein says, “Supper is about nourishment of all kinds.” Forget calories, deadlines or pending episodes of your favorite show. You can spare an hour for your family. Go ahead, enjoy dinner and the company.