Too young for love?

Dear China, Mai-Mai And Tingting,

At what age is it right for a girl to be given her independence and be allowed to decide? I’m a 19-year-old college student who gets good grades in school. I believe I have been a responsible daughter and sister and I have not broken any law, not even my parents’ rules. But there are things I like to do which my parents still don’t allow like having a boyfriend or entertaining suitors even. Or I have suggestions that they don’t take into consideration saying I’m too young to know. I’ve passed the "legal" 18 years of age and I can now vote, right? When will I not be "too young" in their eyes?

Forever Young

I don’t think you’ll ever be old enough for them. Don’t worry, you’re not alone because many parents treat their children this way. What you can do is try to understand how they think. For example, the label "suitor" is quite scary for parents and "boyfriend," more so. Don’t shock you parents with those terms. Introduce a guy you like as a classmate, or a friend, a neighbor, or a groupmate, not suitor or boyfriend. When they notice him being a constant companion and they see you’re continually getting good grades and are happy, they will have no choice but to warm up to him. About your other suggestions, you don’t know for sure that they don’t take it into consideration. You’re 19, but they’re not parents for nothing. They’ve been through a lot more than we have.

China

I don’t think there’s ever a particular age for us to be given our independence. They say 18 is the age but it’s obviously not so in our society. Your parents are being over-protective to a fault but not wanting you to make the wrong decisions is understandable. Personally, I think there are girls mature enough to be listened to at 18, and some, even younger. And there are girls already in their early 20s who are still utterly irresponsible. I suggest you prove your worth. Find a way for them to understand that you are ready for the challenges that lie ahead. Take responsibility for bigger things. When you succeed, they will start listening.

Mai-Mai

You sound exasperated. You’re 19 and yes, you can vote alright, but you have a long way to go to be able to recognize all the dangers lurking around. Your parents are just trying to keep you under their wings as long as they can. Be patient and don’t ask for too much too soon. I suggest you take little steps. For example, if you have a suitor, let him go to your house and introduce them to your parents. They might be hostile at first, but that’s because they’re in denial. Yet, if they see that the guy has pure intentions, they will realize that they can’t hold on to you forever. And, if you have any suggestions, do your homework. When you pitch an idea, be sure you know everything about it, both pros and cons. If you are confident and are 100 percent convinced you have a great idea, then there’s a bigger chance you can convince them. Your parents are merely trying to make the right decisions for you. It’s up to you to convince them that you’re mature enough to make some decisions and ready to learn from your own mistakes.

Tingting

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