Family in crisis?

Dear China, Mai-Mai And Tingting,

My husband and I are really having a difficult time coping with the hard times and it has caused a lot of tension in the house. He’s the breadwinner and since we got married seven years ago, we have agreed that I should stay home and take care of the kids. We have three children aged 6, 3 and 1 and children have plenty of needs too. I’d like to go back and join the workforce but no one will take care of the kids. My eldest child saw my husband and me fighting one night about our financial problems and I feel my son has become worrisome since that time. How do I explain this to him when he’s so young? How can I stop our financial woes from breaking my marriage?

Poor Mother

Clearly it’s time for some belt-tightening. I think you should work on the tight budget by prioritizing. Review where your money goes and find out how you can cut back. If, for example, you spend every Sunday eating out with your family, then maybe you should cut it to every other weekend and choose a place where you don’t need to spend much. Or, check your grocery bills. You might be buying things excessively or worse, things that are considered unnecessary. Once your husband notices that you are doing your part in helping solve your financial crisis, even if you’re not working, it will ease the tension in your house. Your six-year-old is worrisome because he doesn’t fully understand what the fuss is about. Talk to him because he needs assurance that everything will be okay.

China

First of all, please realize that there are families in worst situations than you and have been able to survive. Find strength in this knowledge. Your six-year-old son seems to be very perceptive so I suggest that you don’t underestimate him. Talk to him as you would a teenager. Be honest and tell him he should help you and Daddy. Who knows, he might even have suggestions. And then, you and your husband should calmly discuss what your plan of action is to stop your marriage from eroding. When the going gets tough, you should stay together and work it out. Isn’t this what marriage is all about?

Mai-Mai

Even if you’re not working, you can help your husband by being vigilant on where your money is being spent. For example, be sure you’re spending just the right amount for electricity and water bills – you know, make sure no water pipes are leaking, close unnecessary lights, iron only once a week, use microwave less and open the fridge only when necessary. Then, make a menu that is both cheap and nutritious and make sure there is just enough. Instead of buying baby food, boil squash and mash it yourself. And avoid using those disposable diapers; stick to re-usable cloth diapers. These small tips can help you reduce your expenses. Obviously, your six-year-old knows something is wrong because he sees mom and dad having an argument. He’s worried because he doesn’t understand it well. Honestly explain to him the situation and enlist his help in saving where you can in the house. About your marriage, defuse tensions by going out with the family. There are a lot of places you can go to that are free. When was the last time you went to Luneta anyway? The kids can run around while you and your husband can watch them while eating pandesal. Times are hard, true, but Filipinos are resilient. I’m sure you can cope like all the others do.

Tingting

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