Is he or isn’t he?
November 25, 2005 | 12:00am
Dear China, Mai-Mai And Tingting,
I’m a college sophomore in a school in Manila and I need your advice. How do you know if a guy really likes you? There’s this school heartthrob who’s courting me and I don’t know if he’s sincere or not. He’s a varsity player so he’s a high-profile guy while I’m really a nobody in school. I’m not in any class with him because he’s in third year, and we don’t go around the same circles. I see him only when I occasionally watch the games, so why would he pick me? I’ve heard of horror stories about group dares and I don’t want to be made a fool of. On the other hand, he’s nice and I don’t want to drive him away because of my paranoia. What do you think?
Not-The-Cheerleader-Type
Sometimes, these high-profile guys need a low-profile girl to keep their balance. Because you hardly know him except for his reputation, it’s impossible to talk of togetherness. Be friends first. This will buy you time to observe for signs. Keep him at a safe distance, meaning don’t get too close to him nor don’t be too insecure that you’d drive him away. I think only time will tell if he’s sincere or not. In the meantime, enjoy the ride.
China
Assuming he’s sincere, are you ready to face the challenges of being with him? If you do decide to go with this heartthrob, his high-profile life will be yours too. You must be ready to constantly be under scrutiny of girls who want him for themselves. And, there will be more of those who will try to break you up than those who will be happy for you. It’s a challenge you have to face – assuming he’s sincere. What if he’s not? You’d be wasting your time and energies on a guy who’s playing around. If you’re not ready to take the risk, then by all means tell the guy you’re not ready for him. He is, after all, a big risk, bigger than what you’d take with a more simple, low-profile boy anyway.
Mai-Mai
You must give him an even chance to prove himself. Remove from your mind that he is a heartthrob. Don’t give him special attention nor special privileges. One way to know if he likes you is if he sticks by you despite your being indifferent to his celebrity status. Also, there’s no need to decide hurriedly. Get to know him better. Take your time. Remember, easy come, easy go. Be observant. Observe how he is with your friends and with other people. Listen to the advice of your closest friends and at the same time pay attention to your gut feel. He may be the high-profile, crush-ng-bayan type, but he’s also human. If he’s not sincere, he’ll make a mistake sooner or later.
Tingting
Dear China, Mai-Mai And Tingting,
Our relationship is the stuff tragic stories are made of. His parents and mine have been feuding for years because of business. Unfortunately, since we’ve known each other since childhood, we did fall in love early and have decided to fight for this love against all odds. The thing going against us is our age. I’m only 16 and he’s 17 and both our parents have implied that they are going to do everything to separate us. Right now, we manage to see each other secretly but we know we can’t do this forever. What do you think?
Hopeless Case
The feeling of love is great but it is not half as great if you have to step on other people’s feelings, especially if those feelings happen to be those of your parents. I advice both of you to reconsider your decision. As you pointed out, you’re young. You don’t want to spend the rest of your lives parrying challenges and being caught in the middle.
China
Writing us means you know that you’re in a complicated situation. If you think yours will end up as all tragic stories do, then I hope you’re wise enough to get out of it. Loving someone and having that love win against all odds is a great challenge. But do you feel you’re mentally, emotionally and psychologically ready to face these challenges? Picture this: you and your boyfriend standing side by side. It’s hard enough for one parent to disapprove, so for both parents and even both families to come between both of you creates a big, big gap. Can you see yourselves standing very far apart because of the families that come between you? My guess is, this is the future that awaits you if you pursue this relationship. It isn’t bad to be in-love and idealistic. Just be ready for its rewards or repercussions.
Mai-Mai
I think it is wise to listen to your parents. Because you’re so young and in-love, you fail to see the complications this relationship will bring you in the future. Filipinos are the clannish type. We depend so much on our families that if you notice, extended family members are welcome to many of our homes. If you have a fall-out with both your families, where does that leave you? Of course, it isn’t impossible for you to start a new life alone, but do you think this is the best direction to take? You said your families have been feuding for years – you’re very optimistic if you feel your relationship will end that feud. My suggestion is for both of you to make an effort of avoiding each other and be on separate social circles. Spend some time apart and meet other people. After all, if you were really meant for each other, no feud can keep you apart.
Tingting
Send questions to sistersact_ys@yahoo.com.
I’m a college sophomore in a school in Manila and I need your advice. How do you know if a guy really likes you? There’s this school heartthrob who’s courting me and I don’t know if he’s sincere or not. He’s a varsity player so he’s a high-profile guy while I’m really a nobody in school. I’m not in any class with him because he’s in third year, and we don’t go around the same circles. I see him only when I occasionally watch the games, so why would he pick me? I’ve heard of horror stories about group dares and I don’t want to be made a fool of. On the other hand, he’s nice and I don’t want to drive him away because of my paranoia. What do you think?
Not-The-Cheerleader-Type
Sometimes, these high-profile guys need a low-profile girl to keep their balance. Because you hardly know him except for his reputation, it’s impossible to talk of togetherness. Be friends first. This will buy you time to observe for signs. Keep him at a safe distance, meaning don’t get too close to him nor don’t be too insecure that you’d drive him away. I think only time will tell if he’s sincere or not. In the meantime, enjoy the ride.
China
Assuming he’s sincere, are you ready to face the challenges of being with him? If you do decide to go with this heartthrob, his high-profile life will be yours too. You must be ready to constantly be under scrutiny of girls who want him for themselves. And, there will be more of those who will try to break you up than those who will be happy for you. It’s a challenge you have to face – assuming he’s sincere. What if he’s not? You’d be wasting your time and energies on a guy who’s playing around. If you’re not ready to take the risk, then by all means tell the guy you’re not ready for him. He is, after all, a big risk, bigger than what you’d take with a more simple, low-profile boy anyway.
Mai-Mai
You must give him an even chance to prove himself. Remove from your mind that he is a heartthrob. Don’t give him special attention nor special privileges. One way to know if he likes you is if he sticks by you despite your being indifferent to his celebrity status. Also, there’s no need to decide hurriedly. Get to know him better. Take your time. Remember, easy come, easy go. Be observant. Observe how he is with your friends and with other people. Listen to the advice of your closest friends and at the same time pay attention to your gut feel. He may be the high-profile, crush-ng-bayan type, but he’s also human. If he’s not sincere, he’ll make a mistake sooner or later.
Tingting
Our relationship is the stuff tragic stories are made of. His parents and mine have been feuding for years because of business. Unfortunately, since we’ve known each other since childhood, we did fall in love early and have decided to fight for this love against all odds. The thing going against us is our age. I’m only 16 and he’s 17 and both our parents have implied that they are going to do everything to separate us. Right now, we manage to see each other secretly but we know we can’t do this forever. What do you think?
Hopeless Case
The feeling of love is great but it is not half as great if you have to step on other people’s feelings, especially if those feelings happen to be those of your parents. I advice both of you to reconsider your decision. As you pointed out, you’re young. You don’t want to spend the rest of your lives parrying challenges and being caught in the middle.
China
Writing us means you know that you’re in a complicated situation. If you think yours will end up as all tragic stories do, then I hope you’re wise enough to get out of it. Loving someone and having that love win against all odds is a great challenge. But do you feel you’re mentally, emotionally and psychologically ready to face these challenges? Picture this: you and your boyfriend standing side by side. It’s hard enough for one parent to disapprove, so for both parents and even both families to come between both of you creates a big, big gap. Can you see yourselves standing very far apart because of the families that come between you? My guess is, this is the future that awaits you if you pursue this relationship. It isn’t bad to be in-love and idealistic. Just be ready for its rewards or repercussions.
Mai-Mai
I think it is wise to listen to your parents. Because you’re so young and in-love, you fail to see the complications this relationship will bring you in the future. Filipinos are the clannish type. We depend so much on our families that if you notice, extended family members are welcome to many of our homes. If you have a fall-out with both your families, where does that leave you? Of course, it isn’t impossible for you to start a new life alone, but do you think this is the best direction to take? You said your families have been feuding for years – you’re very optimistic if you feel your relationship will end that feud. My suggestion is for both of you to make an effort of avoiding each other and be on separate social circles. Spend some time apart and meet other people. After all, if you were really meant for each other, no feud can keep you apart.
Tingting
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